Real News: Spurring Weed growth with Water

Did you ever experience an “Onion Fear” moment? When you suspect you’ve been humiliated and hoodwinked by a “news” story that’s actually a journo-joke straight from The Onion?

Onion-fear struck by the forth paragraph as I read this item:

WEED WATER FOUNTAIN SCULPTURE UNVEILED

The water fountain sculpture unveiled Thursday on Weed’s Main Street is the latest installment in a beautification project that is changing the face of the city.

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“New” Edible Water Bottle: Been there, done that in 2010!

Isn’t parody supposed to follow reality? Nah, in our modern internetted world, that’s just another old-timey rule we can toss out!

ediblewaterbottle

Case in point: my internetted world is aflame this past week with news of an innovative, new edible water bottle…an interesting, and apparently award-winning idea! And one that we parodied here for April Fools Day in 2010! You could say the parody beat the reality by a full 4 years! In the end, though, the joke is on us… for failing to envision the obvious opportunity in TossNot and not properly patenting  and protecting this now-awesome idea.

I still believe we did it better, though. (OoHo, feel free to give us a call for some branding and packaging tips. No one knows how to prounounce “OoHo” and that blobby package looks exceedingly creepy – like a unicorn’s egg sac.)

Sigh. Can’t anyone take a joke these days?

tossnot world first edible water bottle
TossNot: The World First Edible Water Bottle!

its so dry drought flag of california

Drought Jokes: “It’s So Dry…” California Edition!

its so dry drought flag of californiaCalifornia is facing its worst water shortage in decades. This is somewhat funny, both “curious-funny” and “ha-ha funny” because the state’s severest drought in modern history gives us an excuse to unleash some lame Cali-focused “It’s so dry…” jokes.

California’s so dry…that leaks are the new status symbol.

California’s so dry…the fastest growing crime is employee theft… by pool boys.

California’s so dry…a sprinkler store opened on Rodeo Drive (and have you seen those Prada canteens?!) Read more

Funeral for a Friend: Buried Water Infrastructure in 1949

To paraphrase Mark Twain, I didn’t attend this funeral, but I’d like to send this nice note to say I approve of it!

saginaw michigan MI water pump funeral 1949This item from the June 13, 1949 issue of LIFE magazine covers the charming, oddball funeral/celebration for one of Saginaw, Michigan’s ubiquitous community water pumps, finally “put to rest” in favor of an efficient new pipeline. Read more

World water day mad libs game

The Mad Libs and the Madness that is World Water Day

water mad libs characterHooray, it’s water’s very own special day! Last year I spent it ranting and whining, but this year we’re sporting a whole new attitude! While some busy themselves playing the bureaucratic global water game, here in suburbia we’re going all-in for party games. Happy World Water Day, please enjoy not one but TWO tasteless Mad Libs that you and your friends can enjoy… whether you’re pinky-pointing at an intimate WWD pre-gala gathering, grinding through another mind-numbing nine-to-fiver, or taking a breather during your daily 5-hour water fetching duty. Read more

egg digesters for valentines day

Love stinks…and wastes for no one!

egg digesters for valentines dayValentine’s Day is just two short days away, so we here at Thirsty in Suburbia are sure that all your romantic plans and reservations have already been made and confirmed. What’s that? You forgot about Valentine’s Day?

Well have no fear you hopeless, albeit forgetful, romantics! The Department of Environmental Protection in New York City is here to save the day! Why not take that special someone on a tour of Newtown Creek Sewage Treatment Plant in Brooklyn!? Just when you thought thought Brooklyn couldn’t possibly get any cooler…

Who needs breakfast in bed!? Highlights of the tour include the giant egg shaped digesters where you and your true love can see the magic of toxic sludge transformation first hand. Don’t let being single stop you from attending. We bet that the smell will rival your bitter attitude towards love. Love stinks, am I right?!

Tours fill up quickly, so try and secure your spot by emailing events@dep.nyc.gov.

Halloween Costumes for Water and WASH Wonks: 2012 edition

Have we got a treat for you! With Halloween just two weeks off, you may be nearing a costume-ready state, but we believe your costume should reflect who you really are. If you’re an obsessed water, wastewater or sanitation wonk, consider these costume ideas that just SCREAM your love of all things water!

(Need more ideas? Check out the 2009 post Halloween Costumes for the Water Obsessed and 2010 Version: Halloween Costumes for the Water Obsessed)


Water Molecule Costume: Better than the sum of its particles! Plus, even the most atrocious dancers can wear this costume and defend their less-than-smooth moves by declaring, “Wooo Hooo, I am boiling now!” (Original source here)

water molecule halloween costume

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We all need water, man! I’m Farming and I Grow It

Farming we all need waterHappy July 4th from Kansas, where farming is still as vital to our lives and livelihoods as it was for Americans 236 years ago. Spiraling and viraling it’s way around the internet is this great parody music video from the Peterson Brothers of Kansas. “I’m Farming and I Grow It” is a catchy take-off on LMFAO’s Sexy and I Know It.

What I want you to know, though, is that it includes a nod to agriculture’s most important resource, water. Below, ThirstyInSuburbia helps you skip right to the good water part at 2:15. Read more