Just when you thought Steve Anderson couldn’t top Dope in the Water and Fats Oils & Grease, along comes his newest awesome, original creation, The Ballad of Betty Poop, and we’re obviously thrilled to premiere it here!

Steve is a Water Resources Analyst at Clean Water Services in Portland, Oregon and has been known to whip out the guitar and play this educational number for visiting groups of schoolchildren. Not only do they get a great giggle out of it, but they learn something, too. Of course they do! Anyone who’s visited Thirsty in Suburbia for more than 5 seconds knows we’re BIG believers in the power of humor to engage and educate

So if you’d like to help kids (or adults) better understand water quality and how our wastewater systems work, spare them the earnest preachiness and Powerpoints. Instead play them this hysterical song following Betty Poop, Tom TP and G.I. Joe as they journey through the far-reaches of the wastewater system. You’ll make a much bigger impact, trust me!

Play the track

Lyrics: The Ballad of Betty Poop

Betty was a poop
Betty Poop was her name
Life in a bowl was kind of a drag
But Betty didn’t like to complain

TP Tom was toilet paper
He was Betty’s best friend
He wondered about the world outside
Where the sewer pipes came to an end

And then there was this G.I. Joe
He was just a plastic toy
He didn’t really belong in there
He was dropped there by a careless boy

Betty, Tom, and G.I. Joe
All shared the same improbable dream
To be outside and floating free
Upon a shimmering stream

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant

There came a time when they had their chance
As a hand reached down to flush
The three of them started swirling around
They were headed down in a rush

But suddenly the water slowed down
It looked like they were out of luck
G.I. Joe was in a jam
He couldn’t move because he was stuck

Betty and Tom had made it out
They looked around for G.I. Joe
And then a plunger saved the day
Once again the water flowed

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make it all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant

The three of them, they had it rough
As they traveled down the sewer pipe
But they kept going, they wouldn’t give up
“Cuz you know they’re just not that type

When they made it to the treatment plant
They saw a bar screen – then they knew
Betty and Tom would pass on by
But Joe would never make it through

Now Joe was gone, and the water was calm
But the situation still was dire
TP Tom was sinking fast
To the bottom of a clarifier

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make it all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant

Betty made it to the aeration basin
So much smaller than she was before
Been through so much, but she didn’t know
There was still so much more in store

Air bubbles battered poor Betty
Until she melted right into the soup
That was the food for a billion bugs
Then there was no more Betty Poop

Now Betty and Tom aren’t totally gone
They have just settled down
They became part of the biomass
I guess they’re biosolid now

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make it all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make it all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant
Won’t make it past the treatment plant
No, won’t make it past the treatment plant