Let’s Play Mad Libs: Water Utility Customer Service Call

What better way to start your Monday than with a time-wasting, goofy game! Just for you, our own version of Mad Libs…the “Water Utility Customer Service Call!”

It’s ready for you to play with a buddy or all by yourself! If you’re not familiar with how to play MadLibs (where have YOU been?) you can read some quick instructions here.

Download a printable PDF of Water Utility Mad Libs
Download the “Solo Play” version of Water Utility Mad Libs

If you’re so inclined, please share with us the hilarity that ensues. We’ll keep your identity a secret, promise!

My Favorite (Unofficial) Water Conservation PSAs

Water conservation messages are usually 60% boring and 40% preachy; here are two from Australia created by The Chardonnay Club that are just 100% funny. As you might guess, they are not officially sanctioned and, as one video notes in the endframe, “Never ever will be authorized by the Queensland Government Brisbane.” Maybe that’s why I love them!

The first is a parody of government psa spots that urge citizens to report friends & neighbors for water violations. Just call 1-800-DOBBER (For the non-Australians, a dobber is what we’d call a snitch or tattletale.)

“Warren’s Water Warehouse”  is a hysterical take-off on those low-brow, low-fi clearance sale spots we’re all so fond of…

Our Mad Future Foretold in 1971

It’s giddy fun to look at vintage ephemera that predicts the future, usually because the predictions turn out to be so charmingly wrong. This 1971 item from Mad Magazine, though, turns out to be alarmingly right…except for the ultra-convenient home delivery! Four decades ago, a “Scene We’d Hate to See.” Today, a Scene We Wait to See. Mad, for sure!

1971 MAD MAGAZINE Spoof Advertisement Back Page Clean Air Water Milk

From the awesome Flickr photostream of Christian Montone

Does this water butt make me look phat?

Why, yes it does, because as you surely know by now, collecting rainwater for garden re-use in “water butts” (known as “rain barrels” here in the US) is a smooth conservation move.  Therefore, it’s time to get off your butt and get your own butt installed, and this free guide from Dobbies.com is in fact, pretty phat!

While I was browsing their site I tried hard to dispel the sophomoric giggles about the “butt” double-entendre, but of course I could not. One thing I learned besides water harvesting tips: cropping is a powerful tool in that can be used for nefarious purposes in the hands of the wrong person!

Watch out for the power of the crop tool

Water Joke: Little Johnny Talks Water Quality

Little Johnny’s Mama sent him out to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big, mean, scary eyes staring back at him. Panicked, he dropped the bucket and ran back to the house as fast as he could.

“Where’s my bucket o’ water?” Mama asked.

“I can’t git any water from that water hole, there’s a big, mean ol’ alligator down that water hole!”

“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Johnny. He’s been there for years, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”

“Ohhhh, Mama!” replied Johnny, “If that gator’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water sure ain’t fit to drink!”

Chart: Summer Suffering in the Midwest

graphjam chart for summer weather heat and humidity

It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity! Oh dear, we’re at it again… instead of producing revenue or creating other things of value, I’m creating more fake charts for our amusement!

So what to do if terrible humidity is a problem? If you’re given humidity, make humi-nade! (Human Aid?!)

The Dew Bank Bottle by Ki-Tae Pak DOES in fact make humi-nade by gathering and collecting dew in desert conditions. The design won a Bronze Prize at the Idea Design Awards 2010 and interestingly, is inspired by a desert-dwelling beetle which procures water by collecting morning dew on its body.

Tap Water is from Heaven, Bottled Water is from Hell

We’ve seen a rash of infographics lately on the evils of bottled water, but www.albinoblacksheep.com stands uncontested as THE BEST one I’ve seen! So guzzle away you bottled water drinkers, it’s good versus evil in this battle. You’re messing with GOD here we can see just where you’re headed!

Update: I’ve found a name to associate with this! This was apparently created by Andrew Kepple. Nice work!

Water in a Bag: Crazy Convenient!

What’s more ridiculous that water in a disposable bottle? How about ultra-convenient “Water in a Bag?”

A hysterical parody on breathless infomercials and pointless products, the Water in a Bag comedy sketch (from the long-running Canadian show This Hour Has 22 Minutes) serves up such gems as:

"Just grab the appropriate size bag, snip the corner, and away you go!"

Are you tired of unpredictable kitchen faucets? Sick of  the never-ending battle with measuring cups? Wish there was an easier way to get the water you need?
The people who brought you Salad in a Bag… Steamed Vegetables in a Bag… and Slow Cooker Meals in a Bag… bring you the ultimate in food preparation convenience: Water in a Bag!

Embedding is disabled, so to view the entire clip on YouTube, go here.

(Somber, serious moment: Water in a Bag is indeed a real and un-funny product in some parts of the world.)

Thanks to Environmental Reporter Christopher Dunagan; I first saw this on his  excellent Watching Our Water Ways blog (from the Kitsap Sun, serving the Puget Sound, Washington state area.)

My Water Bill: The State of the Chart

LOL! I haz cheezburger! Last week, I shared with you some witty water charts from graphjam.com and of course, that inspired me to create one of my own. Now, many charts are created at the site but only a select few make it to the site’s feed…and mine did! (If I’m excited about this, does this mean I have little- to no life? Whatever!)

Here’s my creation, titled “Factors Affecting My Water Bill.”

Great Moments in Politics: Water Joke Faux Pas

I’ve been accused of tactlessness on occasion but even I wouldn’t have repeated this one! However, since U.S. National Security Advisor Gen. James Jones (Ret.) already did (while giving the key note speech at a Washington Institute For Near East Policy dinner in April) we’ll simply forward the flub for it’s water humor newsworthiness.

From blog.foreign policy.com (with more blow-by-blow details of the ensuing kerfuffle here)

Telling the following joke in public, at a meeting of the Washington Institute for Near East Policy no less, was not National Security Advsor Jim Jones’ finest moment in public service:

I’d like to begin with a story that I think is true, a Taliban militant gets lost and is wandering around the desert looking for water. He finally arrives at a store run by a Jew and asks for water. The Jewish vendor tells him he doesn’t have any water but can gladly sell him a tie. The Taliban, the jokes goes on, begins to curse and yell at the Jewish storeowner. The Jew, unmoved, offers the rude militant an idea: Beyond the hill, there is a restaurant; they can sell you water. The Taliban keeps cursing and finally leaves toward the hill. An hour later he’s back at the tie store. He walks in and tells the merchant: “Your brother tells me I need a tie to get into the restaurant.”

The White House clearly felt uncomfortable with the joke, and edited it out of an official transcript of the event.