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World water day mad libs game

The Mad Libs and the Madness that is World Water Day

water mad libs characterHooray, it’s water’s very own special day! Last year I spent it ranting and whining, but this year we’re sporting a whole new attitude! While some busy themselves playing the bureaucratic global water game, here in suburbia we’re going all-in for party games. Happy World Water Day, please enjoy not one but TWO tasteless Mad Libs that you and your friends can enjoy… whether you’re pinky-pointing at an intimate WWD pre-gala gathering, grinding through another mind-numbing nine-to-fiver, or taking a breather during your daily 5-hour water fetching duty. Read more

Water obsession support group forming now!

face in the water by bitterjug on flickrWater, water everywhere… consuming your thoughts and dreams, driving your actions and decisions. Dictating your choice of friends, how you spend your time, your money, your goodwill. You have water on the brain, and you may have gone off the deep end, figuratively speaking. You, yes YOU, may be obsessed with water!

Over at ValleyCresttakeson.com (the blog and news arm of Valley Crest Landscape Companies) writer Martha Golea serves up the amusing article, Are You Obsessed with Water Management? After reading Martha’s post I can safely say, “We’ll be right at home in this newly-proposed water-crazies group!” In fact, Martha, in this this high-stakes water obsession game we at ThirstyInSuburbia will call your obsession and raise you one! Read more

The Phattest Water Butt of All

It should surprise no one (but delight everyone) that some clever person has produced a water butt in the shape of a butt. (Note for the non-Brits: Water Butt = Rain Barrel).

What really makes the smartly-named “Butt Butt” a standout, though, is the wicked tramp-stamp tattoo decoration! Well done, chap! Just a bit unfortunate on the spigot placement, though. Tell me, how much would it cost to haul Butt to the US?

Water Joke: Little Johnny Talks Water Quality

Little Johnny’s Mama sent him out to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big, mean, scary eyes staring back at him. Panicked, he dropped the bucket and ran back to the house as fast as he could.

“Where’s my bucket o’ water?” Mama asked.

“I can’t git any water from that water hole, there’s a big, mean ol’ alligator down that water hole!”

“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Johnny. He’s been there for years, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”

“Ohhhh, Mama!” replied Johnny, “If that gator’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water sure ain’t fit to drink!”

Chart: Summer Suffering in the Midwest

graphjam chart for summer weather heat and humidity

It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity! Oh dear, we’re at it again… instead of producing revenue or creating other things of value, I’m creating more fake charts for our amusement!

So what to do if terrible humidity is a problem? If you’re given humidity, make humi-nade! (Human Aid?!)

The Dew Bank Bottle by Ki-Tae Pak DOES in fact make humi-nade by gathering and collecting dew in desert conditions. The design won a Bronze Prize at the Idea Design Awards 2010 and interestingly, is inspired by a desert-dwelling beetle which procures water by collecting morning dew on its body.

My Water Bill: The State of the Chart

LOL! I haz cheezburger! Last week, I shared with you some witty water charts from graphjam.com and of course, that inspired me to create one of my own. Now, many charts are created at the site but only a select few make it to the site’s feed…and mine did! (If I’m excited about this, does this mean I have little- to no life? Whatever!)

Here’s my creation, titled “Factors Affecting My Water Bill.”

Great Moments in Politics: Water Joke Faux Pas

I’ve been accused of tactlessness on occasion but even I wouldn’t have repeated this one! However, since U.S. National Security Advisor Gen. James Jones (Ret.) already did (while giving the key note speech at a Washington Institute For Near East Policy dinner in April) we’ll simply forward the flub for it’s water humor newsworthiness.

From blog.foreign policy.com (with more blow-by-blow details of the ensuing kerfuffle here)

Telling the following joke in public, at a meeting of the Washington Institute for Near East Policy no less, was not National Security Advsor Jim Jones’ finest moment in public service:

I’d like to begin with a story that I think is true, a Taliban militant gets lost and is wandering around the desert looking for water. He finally arrives at a store run by a Jew and asks for water. The Jewish vendor tells him he doesn’t have any water but can gladly sell him a tie. The Taliban, the jokes goes on, begins to curse and yell at the Jewish storeowner. The Jew, unmoved, offers the rude militant an idea: Beyond the hill, there is a restaurant; they can sell you water. The Taliban keeps cursing and finally leaves toward the hill. An hour later he’s back at the tie store. He walks in and tells the merchant: “Your brother tells me I need a tie to get into the restaurant.”

The White House clearly felt uncomfortable with the joke, and edited it out of an official transcript of the event.

h2o mp3: Dope in the Water – Steve Anderson

We’re tickled to present you with a world premiere of sorts! The parody song “Dope In the Water” (sung to the tune of “Smoke on the Water” by Deep Purple) was written and performed by Steve Anderson, Water Resources Analyst at Clean Water Services, Portland, Oregon. This is of course a timely issue since the release of the 2008 Associated Press study that claims at least 41 million Americans may be getting a bonus of drugs and pharmaceuticals in their water supply.

Steve Anderson

The song (which is awesomely hysterical, in my opinion!) came to the fore as part of a forum discussion about the use of humor in public communications. The bottom line: no clear consensus. Some communications professionals believe in the power of humor to communicate, some are mildly uncomfortable with the risk and others believe it is often misleading to a misinformed public.

I think everyone knows where I stand! As I wrote on the discussion thread,

I think the point of the song is to change behavior and to promote the safe disposal of pharmaceuticals, which in turn, reduces the treatment burdens. This is the part that the public can control, and thus, an effective message to send.

So thanks, Steve, and we hope lots of people are humming this when they refrain from bad habits that add “Dope in the Water!”

Play the track

Dope in the Water – Steve Anderson

Download Dope in the Water by Steve Anderson (mp3)

Lyrics

We flush them down our toilets
We wash ‘em down the drain
We take ‘em when we feel bad
We take ‘em for the pain
They come to us in the sewers
We’d treat ‘em all but we can’t
When they show up at the headworks
They pass right through the treatment plant

Dope in the water
Hormones in the creek
Dope in the water

And what about them birth control pills?
At the outfall where the effluent swirls
Makin’ changes in the wildlife
Little boy fish look a lot like girls
And then we have our Prozac
Discharged by the very best
Don’t know how the fish like that
At least I guess they’re not depressed

Dope in the water
Hormones in the creek
Dope in the water

My coffee in the morning
Can keep a fish awake at night
Painkillers might make ‘em feel good
But you know it just ain’t right
Cosmetics and perfumes, well
Just add to this witch’s brew
It’s high time to figure it out
Just what the hell this stuff can do

Dope in the water
Hormones in the creek
Dope in the water