Hooray, it’s water’s very own special day! Last year I spent it ranting and whining, but this year we’re sporting a whole new attitude! While some busy themselves playing the bureaucratic global water game, here in suburbia we’re going all-in for party games. Happy World Water Day, please enjoy not one but TWO tasteless Mad Libs that you and your friends can enjoy… whether you’re pinky-pointing at an intimate WWD pre-gala gathering, grinding through another mind-numbing nine-to-fiver, or taking a breather during your daily 5-hour water fetching duty. Read more
A Texas* Department of Water representative pulled up to a sprawling ranch and approached the leery old ranch owner. In a haughty, authoritative voice he announced to the rancher, “I need total access to this place to inspect for water allocation compliance.”
The Water representative pulled out his ID card and growled, “Mister, I have the full authority of the great state of Texas with me. You see this card? This card means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any agricultural land, including anywhere on your place. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”
The old rancher shrugged his shoulders but said nothing. He then nodded politely, and went about his work.
A short time later, the old rancher heard a commotion and bellowing, loud screams and turned to see the Water Rep running for the gate, followed closely by three huge, angry bulls. The bulls’ thundering hooves were gaining on the Water Rep with every step.
The old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out to the terrified Water Rep,
“Your card! Show ’em your card!”
*replace with the name of any state befitting your own personal bias or animus!
If you’re up for even more hokey water-related humor, get a life! Or, try…
What better way to start your Monday than with a time-wasting, goofy game! Just for you, our own version of Mad Libs…the “Water Utility Customer Service Call!”
It’s ready for you to play with a buddy or all by yourself! If you’re not familiar with how to play MadLibs (where have YOU been?) you can read some quick instructions here.
If you’re so inclined, please share with us the hilarity that ensues. We’ll keep your identity a secret, promise!
Why, yes it does, because as you surely know by now, collecting rainwater for garden re-use in “water butts” (known as “rain barrels” here in the US) is a smooth conservation move. Therefore, it’s time to get off your butt and get your own butt installed, and this free guide from Dobbies.com is in fact, pretty phat!
While I was browsing their site I tried hard to dispel the sophomoric giggles about the “butt” double-entendre, but of course I could not. One thing I learned besides water harvesting tips: cropping is a powerful tool in that can be used for nefarious purposes in the hands of the wrong person!
Little Johnny’s Mama sent him out to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big, mean, scary eyes staring back at him. Panicked, he dropped the bucket and ran back to the house as fast as he could.
“Where’s my bucket o’ water?” Mama asked.
“I can’t git any water from that water hole, there’s a big, mean ol’ alligator down that water hole!”
“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Johnny. He’s been there for years, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”
“Ohhhh, Mama!” replied Johnny, “If that gator’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water sure ain’t fit to drink!”
LOL! I haz cheezburger! Last week, I shared with you some witty water charts from graphjam.com* and of course, that inspired me to create one of my own. Now, many charts are created at the site* but only a select few make it to the site’s feed…and mine did! (If I’m excited about this, does this mean I have little- to no life? Whatever!)
*update: now a dead site
Here’s my creation, titled “Factors Affecting My Water Bill.”
I’ve been accused of tactlessness on occasion but even I wouldn’t have repeated this one! However, since U.S. National Security Advisor Gen. James Jones (Ret.) already did (while giving the key note speech at a Washington Institute For Near East Policy dinner in April) we’ll simply forward the flub for it’s water humor newsworthiness.
Telling the following joke in public, at a meeting of the Washington Institute for Near East Policy no less, was not National Security Advsor Jim Jones’ finest moment in public service:
I’d like to begin with a story that I think is true, a Taliban militant gets lost and is wandering around the desert looking for water. He finally arrives at a store run by a Jew and asks for water. The Jewish vendor tells him he doesn’t have any water but can gladly sell him a tie. The Taliban, the jokes goes on, begins to curse and yell at the Jewish storeowner. The Jew, unmoved, offers the rude militant an idea: Beyond the hill, there is a restaurant; they can sell you water. The Taliban keeps cursing and finally leaves toward the hill. An hour later he’s back at the tie store. He walks in and tells the merchant: “Your brother tells me I need a tie to get into the restaurant.”
The White House clearly felt uncomfortable with the joke, and edited it out of an official transcript of the event.
Southwest Water names Glenn Fountain as project manager. (via WaterTechOnline.com) We’d like to see another announcement, perhaps “Forest Brook and Marsh Wells will assist.”
I’m not sure if Google’s auto-suggest feature is miraculous, intuitive, creepy, or all three! How’s it work? From Google Support we get this uncomfortably vague explanation:
As you type, Google Suggest communicates with Google and comes back with the suggestions we show. If you’re signed in to your Google Account and have Web History enabled, suggestions are drawn from searches you’ve done, searches done by users all over the world, sites in our search index, and ads in our advertising network.
Even if we don’t understand how the miraculous/intuitive/creepy process works, we can still have a rousing snickerfest just seeing what it will come up with.
For example, we all want water, but has anyone ever been thoughtful enough to ask water what IT wants? And how do we know if it desires a tropical storm or a fruity rum drink?)
Educators, see below: no wonder our young people are so ignorant of water matters. They’re not being properly taught with thirst analysis methods!
While the smell of water may vary, it apparently smells universally BAD.
Water, the gold-standard of vomit chasers?
And despite the frenetic World Water Week info blitz, not a WORD about bears! And what about the turtles and whales, huh? What about THEM!?
Ugh, too much of a good thing! If you’ll pardon me, I’m not feeling quite myself.
Interesting linksHere are some interesting links for you! Enjoy your stay :)
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