Four Corny Water Jokes

Since THE INTERNET overtook our lives, we miss those old-timey, hokey jokes. You remember… the kind  that came straight from someone’s mouth, face-to-face. The not-really-funny jokes that were made hysterical with huge dramatic overkill. No hyperlinks or email chains, it was first-person skilled delivery, timing, and frequently, alcohol.

If I could, I’d tell you these four water jokes over a beer or two or three!

The King of a primitive but strategically-important third world nation visits the U.S. for the first time. As the King was being wined and dined by US officials in a four-star restaurant, his thirst was huge but he was distrustful of the water he was being served by the over-gratuitous staff. He quietly instructed his servant  to go and fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, the King motioned his servant to fetch more water, and he would scamper off and return with yet another glass.

On the fifth trip, though, the servant returned empty-handed. “You wretched man, why have you returned without what I ask?” demanded the King. “I beg your forgiveness, O Illustrious One, stammered the servant. “When I returned to the well, the white man was sitting upon it!”

A BLONDE WHO’S PREPARED: A guy notices that his new blond girlfriend brings two glasses to bed each night, one empty and the other filled with water. “Why do you do that?” he asked. She answered, “Well, if I wake up i the middle of the night, I don’t know if I’m going to be thirsty or not.”

THE CURE: A man goes to his doctor because he’s been feeling very ill for days. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with a large assortment of pills. He says, “Take the green pill with two big glasses of water when you get up. An hour later, take the white pill with another glass of water. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Mid afternoon, take the orange pill with plenty of water, and repeat that at dinner. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with several big glasses of water.”
The man is alarmed at huge volume of medicine he has been given to take, and nervously asks, “What’s the diagnosis? What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “You’re dehydrated.”

BEDTIME NEGOTIATOR: A father sends his kid to bed. Five minutes later, the boy screams downstairs, “Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?” The dad says, “No. You had your chance.” After a minute the boy screams again, “Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?” The dad says, “No. I told you, you had your chance. If you ask one more time, I’ll come up there and spank you.” After a short silence, the father hears, “Dad! When you come up to spank me, can you bring me a glass or water?”

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  1. […] Another funny story by Gayle Leonard […]

  2. […] 1.        If Rabbi begins sermon with “In this week’s parsha” [Torah portion] and you know the parsha ,do a shot of Scotch 2.        If the first commentary quoted is Rashi, drinking a simple revi’is (1/4) of French wine is required 3.        If Rabbi’s tallis is adjusted or falls off while speaking, refill 1 cup of Manischewitz Extra Heavy 4.        If the rabbi opens a book or gives out printouts/sources do a shot of Slivovitz for each source quoted 5.        If the rabbi looses his train of thought, chug beer till he gets back on track 6.        If there is mention of splitting the sea in the sermon, drink a Seabreeze (vodka, grapefruit juice, cranberry juice) 7.        If there is mention of the Jews being in the desert, parch your boredom with a shot of tequila or a Corona 8.        If the speech has to do with any sacrifice/korban or parah adumah (red heifer)  you should drink a Red Bull and Vodka 9.        If any story revolves around a shtetl, mix yourself a White Russian 10.        If the speech quotes a page of talmud & gives the exact daf/page number you must drink that number of shots of vodka 11.        If there is mention of giving the First Fruits hit the Sabra Peach Schnapps 12.        Finish off chugging beer the entire time from when the rabbi finishes until the cantor starts Adon Olam (the final hymn). —————————– […]

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