Since THE INTERNET overtook our lives, we miss those old-timey, hokey jokes. You remember… the kind that came straight from someone’s mouth, face-to-face. The not-really-funny jokes that were made hysterical with huge dramatic overkill. No hyperlinks or email chains, it was first-person skilled delivery, timing, and frequently, alcohol.
If I could, I’d tell you these four water jokes over a beer or two or three!
WATER FOR THE KING
The King of a primitive but strategically-important third world nation visits the U.S. for the first time. As the King was being wined and dined by US officials in a four-star restaurant, his thirst was huge but he was distrustful of the water he was being served by the over-gratuitous staff. He quietly instructed his servant to go and fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, the King motioned his servant to fetch more water, and he would scamper off and return with yet another glass.
On the fifth trip, though, the servant returned empty-handed. “You wretched man, why have you returned without what I ask?” demanded the King. “I beg your forgiveness, O Illustrious One, stammered the servant. “When I returned to the well, the white man was sitting upon it!”
A BLONDE WHO’S PREPARED: A guy notices that his new blond girlfriend brings two glasses to bed each night, one empty and the other filled with water. “Why do you do that?” he asked. She answered, “Well, if I wake up i the middle of the night, I don’t know if I’m going to be thirsty or not.”
THE CURE: A man goes to his doctor because he’s been feeling very ill for days. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with a large assortment of pills. He says, “Take the green pill with two big glasses of water when you get up. An hour later, take the white pill with another glass of water. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Mid afternoon, take the orange pill with plenty of water, and repeat that at dinner. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with several big glasses of water.”
The man is alarmed at huge volume of medicine he has been given to take, and nervously asks, “What’s the diagnosis? What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “You’re dehydrated.”
BEDTIME NEGOTIATOR: A father sends his kid to bed. Five minutes later, the boy screams downstairs, “Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?” The dad says, “No. You had your chance.” After a minute the boy screams again, “Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?” The dad says, “No. I told you, you had your chance. If you ask one more time, I’ll come up there and spank you.” After a short silence, the father hears, “Dad! When you come up to spank me, can you bring me a glass or water?”