“New” Edible Water Bottle: Been there, done that in 2010!

Isn’t parody supposed to follow reality? Nah, in our modern internetted world, that’s just another old-timey rule we can toss out!


Case in point: my internetted world is aflame this past week with news of an innovative, new edible water bottle…an interesting, and apparently award-winning idea! And one that we parodied here for April Fools Day in 2010! You could say the parody beat the reality by a full 4 years! In the end, though, the joke is on us… for failing to envision the obvious opportunity in TossNot and not properly patenting  and protecting this now-awesome idea.

I still believe we did it better, though. (OoHo, feel free to give us a call for some branding and packaging tips. No one knows how to prounounce “OoHo” and that blobby package looks exceedingly creepy – like a unicorn’s egg sac.)

Sigh. Can’t anyone take a joke these days?

tossnot world first edible water bottle
TossNot: The World First Edible Water Bottle!

bottled water maker kitchen appliance

Sustainable Curiosities and Novelties: Bottled Water Maker

bottled water maker kitchen applianceI spotted this curiosity, the Fresh ‘n Pure Bottled Water Maker,  in the post-Christmas clearance carnage… and the yellow 50%-off clearance sticker signals that this oddball item has been shunned by Santa and will soon be deported to the Island of Misfit Toys.

Too bad, because I’m certain that even the most difficult-to-buy-for people on your gift list do not have one of these babies. With this mean-green contraption, you can have your bottled water and drink it too, powered by modern appliance-driven convenience! Read more

ice dew twist bottle for better recycling

Ice Dew Commercial: Olympic Fail for Water-Deprived Mini-Athletes!

Olympic mini athlete in Ice Dew advertising ChinaWater advertising and sports…they’re still the perfect, hand-holding, snuggling couple at the promotion party!

This latest hookup involves the Olympics and Coca Cola’s Ice Dew (one of the leading bottled water brands in China) created by Bartle Bogle Hearty, Shanghai. The ad’s premise is that since humans are 60% water, Read more

UFO H2O: It Came From Outer Space?

I’ve been looking at strange bottled waters for years so why have I never seen this one? Government cover-up, I’ll bet! Available right now on eBay is UFO H2O, which according the seller’s description was “bottled in 2004 by ‘The Alien H2O Company’ and sold at the Roswell, NM UFO Festival, site of the supposed 1947 alien UFO crash!” (Some connection to Dr. Who? Or Astronaut Water? You tell me!)

What’s better, we’re told that the bottle says “Preferred by Aliens thruout all galaxies.” Guess that proves there’s water on the moon, Mars and wherever else! Especially since the seller’s disclaimer states, “Sold as Novelty Souvenir and not for Human Consumption.”

Jump right on this one for $4.95 plus $2.95 shipping. Unless of course, this listing mysteriously disappears…

D’ja Ever Wonder How Much PR Flacks Make?

Several news outlets this week alterted us to the premiere of a new video from the International Bottled Water Association, “The Inner Workings of a Bottled Water Plant. Featuring the de rigueur fresh-faced teen narrator (who begins the clip with the grabby intro, “D’ja ever wonder…”) the video takes the unnaturally-curious teen through the plant with a throbbing club music background beat.

I can’t tell you much more about the video because at ELEVEN MINUTES in length, this was about 9 minutes longer than I personally could bear. ( toughed it out and has a snarky writeup, found here.) Well, can’t blame a flack for trying, right? But sorry, FAIL.

This fellow is the “credible source” offered by IBWA.

A little poking around among IBWA’s other videos unearths some crazier items, like “The Real Story of Bottled Water.” Believe it our not, the video describes the clay-faced spokesbottle shown below as a “credible, informed & charming source.” But I really bolted straight in my chair when I looked at the hands. Why, YES it is! The VERY SAME HANDS of the bird-shooting swag noted earlier on this blog. They are of the same species! I smell a conspiracy.

I looks like this cute little water drop swag is making a rude gesture!

Tap Water is from Heaven, Bottled Water is from Hell

We’ve seen a rash of infographics lately on the evils of bottled water, but stands uncontested as THE BEST one I’ve seen! So guzzle away you bottled water drinkers, it’s good versus evil in this battle. You’re messing with GOD here we can see just where you’re headed!

Update: I’ve found a name to associate with this! This was apparently created by Andrew Kepple. Nice work!

Clueless American Football Brutes Chug Crystal Geyser

World Cup fever is everywhere, and excitement for this international marketing sports event is exploding… even in the USA where many don’t “get” the game itself or why it’s “erroneously” refered to as football. What a prime opportunity for non-US marketers to poke a little fun, as in this Hong Kong-produced ad for Crystal Geyser, “Wrong sport, right water.” (Notice the scoreboard: USA vs. Europe!? I think I missed that match!)

Bottled Water and Bacteria News: Consider the Source!

A big news flash today! Canadian researchers have discovered that many popular brands of bottled water contain “surprisingly high” levels of heterotrophic bacteria! The researchers presented their study results at the general meeting of the American Society of Microbiology in San Diego on May 26.

According to their research, more than 70 percent of the popular brands of bottled water tested failed to meet standards set forth by the United States Pharmacopeia, the non-governmental agency responsible for setting safety standards for medications and health care products. (Am I the only person wondering, “Who dat?“)

Bottled bacteria, that’s not funny! But this is! The source where I read about this shocking news was:

So all you bottled water drinkers, start documenting your crippling nausea and fatigue which has rendered you depressed, disabled and unable to work. You’re gonna be rich! Simply respond to the 800-number which will be appearing on late-night infomercials in short order.

Bottled Water Brand Heads For the Blue Ocean

Familiar with “Blue Ocean” marketing strategy?” That’s when a business tries to hit the growth and profit jackpot by finding or creating an uncontested market space—in effect, wide-open “Blue Ocean”—rather than getting beat up and bloodied trying to succeed in crowded market segments with a lot of competition for customers’ money and attention.

I think the marketers behind Activate brand must have read the book! (The product is from Rising Beverage Company in, no surprise, Los Angeles, CA.)

With countless brands fighting it out it with variations on the “enhanced” formula, Activate actually brags that they’ve taken all that junk OUT. Who NEEDS nutrients that “deteriorate sitting in water.” GONE. Minerals? OUT. Let the others ionize their brands. Activate DE-ionizes. You’ll love it, cool consumers, because you’re not like everyone else, I know. You’re different. You’re PURE. You don’t follow the crowd. You follow the hip people, leisurely paddling around their exclusive blue ocean space by themselves. (It doesn’t float with me!)