The amazing Yellow Surprise motivated me to begin this blog and I believed that it (along with ASS) would reign supreme in funny-water brand-land forever. Never say never. Yellow Surprise and ASS, meet the challenger, Golden Stream.
Eternal thanks to bikespod on Flickr for sharing this memory of his trip to Varkala, a coastal town on the Southern tip of India.
Think you can out-sticker me? Trying to get yourself on the map? Go ahead and try! Don’t have a sticker, you say? No excuse because I’ve scanned one for you! Download a pdf copy here and print off your own. Then, snap a photo of Portland Water’s “I Only Drink Tap Water” sticker in your town and email it to Jennie Day-Burget at the Portland Water Blog. Just remember I was first.
To digest a long and funny story as briefly as possible,
We put the sticker on our town’s beloved Kansas City Scout, photographed it, and sent it to the PWBlogmistress who shared it with the people of Portland!
Awesome! But wait a minute. Someone’s sure to try to outdo me! Maybe you? See the top of the post.
We don’t need to tell you, again, to read labels, do we? Daniel did, and discovered that his water was bottled by an Indian plywood company. (Photo from his Picasa album India May 2008.) Some might like the subtle oak-y aroma!
But it’s certified, right?! JAS-ANZ is the government-appointed accreditation body for Australia and New Zealand. A search at their website produces zero results for this company.
During this historic inauguration, if it can be sold as a souvenir, marketed as a memento, cashed in as commemorative, then it is. Here, a few examples seen ’round the capital.
And special honors go to this one, the “preferred” Water ‘N Faith no less, for the shockingly fake-o ‘shop job.
Thanks to Flickr sharers McGhee Street Photography, crazywanda, sambailey and emilygoodstein.
We shudder to imagine it… the leering, aggressive, dirty Earth forcing itself on the pure, untouched virgin raindrop, gently shimmering within its billowing white-clouded gown! We shall not allow it! Instead, we shall catch you, beautiful young raindrop, and safely bottle you, still pure, into a virgin container… for our customer to revel in your purity and gently drink with sensitivity and deep passion. Fear not, raindrop, they sincerely love our brand and pledge their commitment! And we’re pretty sure a lot of them might recycle.
From www.madeinoregon.com, “Oregon Rain Water is known as “Virgin Water” because it has never been touched by the earth. It is pure rainwater, harvested from Oregon Skies on sterile sheets and then filtered and pasteurized to ensure uniform quality and purity.”
I suggest everyone check in with the Oregon schoolchildren after their water cycle science unit, and they’ll break the bad news on virgin water. Not only has the lovely raindrop been touched by the earth, but likely earth-mauled several million times by now. In fact, this water is downright tarty.
This photo is by Flickr user jugbo, thanks!
The oldest daughter gave me this interesting gift for Christmas. 1 Litre water features a unique integrated cup, which makes refilling the bottle practical since you can avoid contaminating the bottle with your filthy, germ-ridden mouth.
Of course, this isn’t just any pedestrian bottled water. It is, according to a press release issued by the company, “bottled directly from the pristine Au Sable State Forest in the heart of northern, lower Michigan.” (What? Where’s “northern, lower Michigan”?)
Further, the water is “naturally filtered as it percolates through the glacial sand and rock in a confined aquifer. With a perfect PH balance and low mineral composition, the artesian spring water’s taste is exceptional, clean, crisp and invigorating.”
I’m not sure about all that, but it is quite sporty and the concept sits well with this southern girl who was taught that is always quite rude to drink directly from a container.
A testimony to the mysterious, spiritual nature of water.
The bottled water industry is mad as hell and is not going to take it anymore. The Independent (UK) features a detailed story by Martin Hickman on their strategy for stopping the sales slide: Troubled waters: Why we fell out of love with bottled water (and how the industry plans to win us back)
Among the huge amount of information in the article is this tidbit:
Admittedly, carbon labelling is in its infancy, but the work done so far suggests that other soft drinks have a carbon footprint up to 10 times higher than bottled water. Danone, which has lightweighted its bottles and uses the train in France, calculates that production of one litre of Evian emits 198 grams of carbon dioxide.
When Tesco checked the Co2 of its orange juice, it found a litre cost 1,040 grams. Even the environmentally friendly Adnams brewery in Suffolk cannot reduce the Co2 of its East Green bitter below 864 grams.
CLIMATE CHANGE (Co2 per litre)
Tap water …….. 0.2 grams
Bottled water ……… 198 grams
Smoothie ……… 686 grams
Beer ……… 864 grams
Orange juice ……… 1,040 grams
Oh my, could it be we’re seeing a pattern? It’s not clean, healthy bottled water, but alcohol, that is the real villian in this story! And OJ is the real killer, after all!
The (UK) Times Online reports today,
Supermarkets selling alcohol cheaper than water
Research has found that it costs less to quench your thirst with alcohol than bottled water at leading supermarkets. Discounted own-brand alcohol is sold for as little as 23p per can, according to the drink and drug charity Addaction. This research comes on the eve of Government plans to tackle binge drinking.
I wonder where this product fits in the value proposition?
Does this mean that water is ridiculously expensive or that booze is incredibly cheap? Well, both. Competition among shops and supermarkets has led to alcohol prices that average 8% less than the recommended retail price. Some items, especially generic “value brands” are as much as 40% below retail. And, the research found that when alcohol is considered as a proportion of income, it is almost 70% more affordable today than it was 1980.
So go ahead and cry in your beer, just don’t weep in the water.
Change water into wine, and you won’t have to change this brand’s packaging. I’ll bet this vino look-alike carries a hefty premium price for this luxe look, right? But wait… according to the company’s website, the recent change to glass containers was a purely green and altruistic decision! It has nothing to do with marketing! They even quote Al Gore on their site before explaining,
walnut grove spring water is likely the LOWEST CARBON FOOTPRINT premium natural spring water available by:
- Using ZERO import carbon or other natural resources due to our DOMESTIC location – walnut grove spring water is bottled at the source in the heart of the US, and travels less than 3,000 miles coast-to-coast. Importation of foreign water from Europe and other exotic destinations travel up to 7,000 miles just to reach US ports, using countless amounts of transportation energy and natural resources
- Utilizing a supply-chain containing100% North American Suppliers & encompassing less than 3,000 miles for all inbound raw materials
- Packaging our single-serve premium natural spring water exclusively in 100% recyclable/consumer reusable glass bottles made with 25% recycled glass.
- Utilizing local staff, management, materials, services, and vendors whenever possible
- Taking steps to further reduce or eliminate raw material use such as: cradle-to-grave cardboard shipping container reuse, utilize applied labeling (eliminating paper or plastic label stock), and recycle or reuse all possible raw materials
Travels less than 3000 miles? How completely idiotic is that ‘green’ claim, given that it’s generally not more than 30 steps to the nearest tap. We are weary of you, ridiculous green marketers. Tired, tired, tired. Pretty bottle, though, we’ll give you credit for that. Fab photo by Techfun on Flickr.
