Snapped! School Bottled Beverage Brouhaha

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A teacher who’s “smarting” and a Mum who’s “sorry”..a sad, crazy tale on how a bottle of “flavored, not fizzy” water (the “wrong type” that violated the school’s “healthy eating policy”) escalated into possible jail time for a parent who “snapped.” From the July 17th Belfast Telegraph,  

A mother-of-six who has been warned she could be facing jail after assaulting her son’s primary school teacher during a heated row over bottled water today said she desperately regrets the attack.

 Downpatrick woman Lisa Blythe said she “just snapped” and threw a bottle in the teacher’s direction after being told she had sent her 10-year-old son to school with the wrong type of water.

Blythe has been warned by a District Judge that she could now be facing a prison sentence after she pleaded guilty to assaulting the primary six teacher in St Colmcille’s Primary School in Downpatrick.

District Judge Mr Mervyn Bates adjourned sentencing to next month telling the 34-year-old that teachers need to be protected “from people like you”.

Speaking to the Belfast Telegraph Blythe, from Marian Park, said she was upset when she discovered the teacher had not allowed her son to drink the water because it was flavoured and therefore against the school’s healthy eating policy which only allows plain, still water.

She said she had been under a lot of pressure at the time following her mother’s death and that she just snapped during the showdown with the teacher.

“I knew afterwards that I had gone too far but I was just so worked up at the time it all got too much for me,” she said.

Blythe said that on the morning of the row she’d forgotten to pack her son’s water bottle.

On the way to school she stopped off at a store and grabbed a bottle of water which turned out to be flavoured.

She said when she went to the school later that day to collect her son, who she said has been diagnosed as suffering from the highest level of Attention-Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), he told her that he had not been allowed to drink his water because the teacher said it was fizzy.

“The water wasn’t fizzy, it was flavoured. I poured it into a cup and went to speak to the teacher to prove it was not sparkling. She kept telling me it was school policy, but I was raging as my son needs to drink with his medication. I lost it and I did curse at her. I then just snapped and said well here, take it, and threw the bottle down. It was an empty plastic bottle of water.

“As I walked away I knew I shouldn’t have done it. By the time I got into the car I knew I had been stupid so I went back into the school to apologise, but nobody could find her. I went to pick up my other children and then called back at the school to see her, but the school principal asked me to leave.”

Blythe said that the incident was the culmination of a number of difficulties in her personal life and frustrations over schooling for her son.

“I was very upset over my mother’s recent death and my husband had also just had a cancer scare. Dealing with my son who has ADHD and five other children, some who also have medical problems, was also a big strain. Everything just got too much for me on that day. I didn’t go with the intent to touch the teacher. I am sorry for what happened. I admit I used foul language when I swung the bottle and then left the school.”

She added: “The life has gone out of us as a family because of all this. It was a silly stupid five minute thing that got out of hand.”

Earlier this month Downpatrick Magistrate’s Court was told that there had been ongoing problems between Blythe and the teacher about teaching the boy. The court heard that during the row the school caretaker had to close some classroom doors so children could not hear Blythe’s “abusive language” and that she then threw the bottle of water at the teacher causing her left hip to “smart”.

District Judge Mr Mervyn Bates told Blythe: “An argument about a bottle of water should not have flared up in this way. People, like teachers, will be protected in this court from people like you.”

Evian, The New Fountain of Youth

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Tough times in the bottled water business call for tough tactics–like selling the age-old quest for eternal youth. Evian’s new ad campaign tells us to “live young (TM)!” Who knew that the mythical Fountain of Youth, that legendary spring that restores youth to those who drink from it, was right there on my grocer’s shelf all along! I thought Evian water was expensive, but compared to botox, plastic surgery or Satan-soul-selling, it’s a live-young (TM) bargain!

This new fountain of youth reveals itself in the form of jaunty hip-hoppin’ roller-skating babies. I still refuse to buy the stuff but let’s be honest, these wee-ones on wheels are irresistably, adorably funny.

 

Where’s the breathless press release, you ask? Why, it’s here, informing us that stunt-skating tots are “the ultimate expression of Evian brand values, including origin, health and youth.”

And it gets better!

“To Evian, youth is not a matter of age, but a mindset – a youthful mindset that is optimistic, believes that everything is possible, and is curious and eager to discover the world – much like that of a child,” stated Jerome Goure, vice president of marketing for Danone Waters of America, the exclusive importer and marketer of Evian in North America.  “The babies in this campaign exemplify this attitude and the celebration of adding life to your years.”

Secret Water Ingredients?

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You might think that the ingredients for water are known, but this bottled water spotted in Singapore – Secret Recipe – promises something more mysterious in addition to the standard hydrogen and oxygen (although I think most people prefer their drinking water WITHOUT secret ingredients of any kind!)

Look again- check out the “Secret Recipe” co-posting over at www.siwwdiary.com, a live blog from the 2009 Singapore International Water Week (June 22-25). Yours-truly and some colleagues will be posting a variety of information from the ground*, ranging from light and amusing tidbits to technical information and water industry news.
*A virtual US presence for me, though… Boo hoo!

Thanks to Yvonne Lim for the photo – visit her blog for tons of other interesting photos from around Singapore, especially of restaurants and fantastic food!)

Busted: Felony Possession of Water

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Sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll, weapons, a-OK, proceed ahead. Water? Contraband, you’re busted! We’re no fan of bottled water, but is it really this high up on the sin and shame-scale these days?

Kansas City’s ROCKFEST, supposedly the biggest one-day rock music festival in the country, took over the town last month, and some commenters at KC’s premier rock blog, BacktoRockville, describe just how criminal bottled water has become:
Photo: Jill Toyoshiba/The Star via backtorockville.typepad.com

Photo: Jill Toyoshiba/The Star via backtorockville.typepad.com

Rockfest is a bizarre event. Here are some of my observations: I saw a lady forced to pour out a 30 oz bottle of water, but inside, I saw open drug use from pot, to crack, to cocaine. How people can be padded down for water but keep the illegal drugs tells you something immediately. The performers literally encourage the drug use, screaming from the stage how great (the pot) smelled. I personally had no problem getting into Rockfest with a large pocket knife that I literally forgot was in the pocket of my cargo shorts, but had to hand over my opened bottle of water in case it had booze in it… And to the organizers of ROCKFEST….dudes….come on…..while you are focusing on keeping people from carrying too much water in, people are easily taking everything else in there under the sun! (original comment here.)

While another commentor noted,

The much hyped watering stations for refilling bottles? I saw only one.

And here’s proof that it’s not an isolated podunk Midwestern incident, but a cresting global trend! Via www.telegraph.co.uk.,

Photo: CATERS via telegraph.co.uk

(London, June 11) A plane passenger was able to take a six-inch serrated knife past airport security but was stopped before boarding for carrying a bottle of water.

Adrian Elvy, who was flying from Bristol to Barcelona and owns a stock delivery company, said he forgot to take care of the knife, which he uses to open boxes in his warehouse, while packing. The 39-year-old revealed he was stopped by authorities after they saw a bottle of water in his bag and missed the knife, which features a serrated edge and a separate three-inch ’spike’ for loosening sailing knots.

Astronaut Water: There Are No New Ideas

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I’m coming to believe that there really are no new ideas! After our flash of Tang-inspiried brilliance regarding astronaut-branded recycled water, Kerry Freek (@CanadianWater on Twitter), Managing Editor of the excellent trade magazine Canadian Water Treatment, pointed us to this gem!

So it appears that Canada Dry Corp. has long ago been-there, done-that with astronaut-branded water, although we wonder if they stole the idea from Tang or visa-versa! (From a post on boxvox.net, where you can see other interesting vintage space-themed bottles. This photo is from theimaginaryworld.com)

That quote we led with? The full quotation is actually, “There are no new ideas. There are only new ways of making them felt.” (Audre Lorde)

On that note, I give you another photo from my files, more evidence that China is surpassing the West, this time with…you guessed it, astronaut water!

 

Bottled Water, Same Old Story

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Back we go, more than a century, to this nostalgic photo of the Italian Festa, Mott Street, New York City, May 16th, 1908.

It’s fun to zoom in and study the details. And what’s that there to the right? Why, it’s our turn-of-the-century bottled water vendor, probably ready to serve up better-than-tap refreshment to festival-goers. Just like today! (Though we’d never criticize the 1908 populace for partaking… no one’s nostalgic for the tap water back then!) Note the handy bottle supply, hygienically stored on the open-air wagon top!

The orginal photo is a 5×7 glass negative from the George Grantham Bain Collection, via Shorpy. (Here, you can view this image in high-resolution and take in many more of the Roosevelt-era details.)

I was unable to resist the urge to annotate in some way, soooo..

Mysterious Fruits of Water: Yumberry

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Installment #3! The world’s most esoteric fruits are helping marketers de-commoditize bottled water with mysterious, value-added flavorings.

Here’s Vital Lifestyle Water, a product that jacks up your IQ and memory with a gentle hint of Yumberry! Yumberry is one of the up-and-comers of the “Superfruits.” “Superfruit” is a term coined by marketers (naturally!) that refers to high-antioxident, nutritionally-rich fruits that have an appealing taste.

Yumberry is actually commercial slang for the fruit of Myrica rubra, also called yangmei, yamamono and various types of bayberry and wax myrtle. It is native to eastern Asia, mainly China, where it has been grown for at least 2000 years. There are more than 100 varieties of yumberry including white, pink, red, and purple. (Usually the purple variety is considered the yummiest!)

And, modern-day marketers are pretty late to the party when extolling Yumberry’s health benefits. From www.yumberryjuice.com,

Adapting Yangmei to medication was firstly seen in Shi Liao Ben Cao, a herbal medicine book written by Meng Xian in Tang Dynasty (618 – 907 AD). According to the Compendium of Materia Medica, a herbal pharmacological masterpiece written by Li Shi Zhen, the greatest herbal pharmacologist in 16th century, Yangmei is able to “eliminate sputum, stop vomiting, helpful to digestion and alcoholic drinking, quench thirst, conciliate the five internal organs, cleanse stomach and intestines, remove the muddleheaded, and be efficacious to cure diarrhea”.

Only the Best Beverages for our Precious Poopsie!

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“Some people love it, some people hate it and think we’re mad but we just love our dogs,” Pets Palace spokeswoman Diane Costa said. “I don’t have children and my four dogs are like children to me so I don’t mind spending money on them.”

Yes, Dianne, we really do understand! But you should know that most of us would never buy our children water (or anything else I can think of) in a handmade, jewel-encrusted bottle!

Nevertheless, Australia’s Pets Palace now offers Bellaqua, a crystal-clear sparking natural mineral water just for pets.

Via news.com.au,

While are humans tightening belts during the credit crunch, it seems money is no object to certain favoured furry friends, The Daily Telegraph reports.

Sydney-based animal product company Pets Palace has launched a range of natural mineral water for dogs that’s more expensive that bottled water for humans.

And if you think crystal-jugged mineral water is where it ends at the Pet Palace, you’d be wrong.

Pets Palace sells, via the internet, dog joggers, lifejackets, pirate and skeleton costumes as well as sunglasses.

Ms Costa said she had spent more than $2000 on clothing for her dogs Lulu, Honey, Coco and Annie and would not think twice about food and water.

“Pets really are one of the family. We treat them and spoil them,” she said.

“It’s just as much fun to put a dog in a cute sweatshirt as it is a child so why not offer them a decent drink every now and then.

“As humans we drink bottled water and every now and then it feels good to give them bottle plus the bottles are cool.”

Bellaqua sells for $42.50 a box of four (that’s about $33 US).  For the less flashy pooches, there’s Pet Pop, available in colorful hues and flavors like Luscious Lulu, Lemon Lola, Betty Blu and Candy Pop, $22.95 for a box of four (US $17.50).

Aquamantra Gets Its Groove Back

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Remember Aquamantra, that deeply spiritual fluid that “resonates with the energy and frequency of your well-being?” That karma-in-a-bottle where “the quality of your thoughts determine the quality of your life and NOW your water?” From the company whose “purpose in creating this water is to Raise Consciousness in Humanity One Sip at a Time?”

I’m feeling better just writing that, but the negative energy emanating from that politically-incorrect plastic encasement is ruining the good vibe, so Aquamantra will be introducing their recyclable, biodegradable bottle this summer. It’s from “Phoenix, Arizona-based ENSO Bottles, LLC, which had developed a form of polyethylene terephthalate (PET) that appeared to be both recyclable and biodegradable within 1-5 years in microbial landfills, in either aerobic or anaerobic conditions.”

Ah, energy waves over me as a new mantra emerges, please repeat with me: I am profitable. I am profitable. I am profitable.

(For students of flackery: the glowing press release is here.)

Mysterious Fruits of Water: Marionberry

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Now that consumers have deduced that bottled-up tap water might not be their best buy, marketers have responded with value-added flavorings that ostensibly de-commoditize their products. Now, many esoteric fruits of the world are lending exclusivity to various brands.

Our Oregon friends will be offended to know that we thought that Twist Naturals with Marionberry might be a bottled water from Washington DC with a hint of crack cocaine!

Marionberries, from the blackberry family, are an iconic product of Oregon. They are named after Marion County where they were first grown, and were originally bred in 1956 at Oregon State University. 90% of  the world’s marionberries are grown in this area, and the state produces 28-33 million pounds annually.

In fact, www.oregongourmet.com offers a $39 “Marionberry Madness Gift Box” (which, madness aside, does NOT contain Twist Naturals water.)

Oh, back to this particular water. The package lists the ingredients as follows: Artesian Water, Pineapple Juice Concentrate, Natural Marionberry Flavor and Malic Acid. So why isn’t this Pineapple-Marionberry flavor? The label also carries a little bonus for the hipsters: “As in life, chill for best results.”

Related Post: Mysterious Fruits of Water: Dragonfruit