Tag Archive for: bottled water

Heavy water or light alcohol?

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With so many marketing short-cut brand extensions out there, extensions between bottled water and other estabished beverage brands is a natural, but Pabst Blue Ribbon water is a concept I can’t quite fathom. Flickr user oldtasty picked this one up in Jingdezhen, China and reports it’s “definitely better tasting than the beer from which the brand name was appropriated.”  

Then, there’s Smirnoff Source. I’ll bet the concept looked white-hot on all the MBA’s powerpoints, but premium bottled water with alcohol never quite caught fire in the U.S. In the summer of 2007, celebs (like the oft intoxicated Paula Abdul) were seen swigging Smirnoff Source, a premium malt beverage with 3.5 percent alcohol.  It was marketed as an ultra-premium alternative to light beer, which likely looked good on paper, but ultimately idiotic on TMZ.

Why bother when we already have alcoholic water–it’s called Vodka. Oddly enough, the satire about the product actually preceded the product itself. As seen two years ago at http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/01/09/ad-wizards-official-vodka-of-the-lohanvolution/

Keepsake Water for the Holidays

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Available now at Sams Club, Merry Christmas Keepsake Water in 3 festive designs. These feature hand-applied crystals! And according to the website, “makes a delightful decoration for the holiday season for home or office. A perfect keepsake for years to come.”  At $19.88 each, this water spills out at about 79 cents an ounce…a precious keepsake, indeed!

Angels they do thirst on high

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A testimony to the mysterious, spiritual nature of water.

It’s pure hell in the bottled water biz

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The bottled water industry is mad as hell and is not going to take it anymore. The Independent (UK) features a detailed story by Martin Hickman on their strategy for stopping the sales slide: Troubled waters: Why we fell out of love with bottled water (and how the industry plans to win us back)

Among the huge amount of information in the article is this tidbit:

Admittedly, carbon labelling is in its infancy, but the work done so far suggests that other soft drinks have a carbon footprint up to 10 times higher than bottled water. Danone, which has lightweighted its bottles and uses the train in France, calculates that production of one litre of Evian emits 198 grams of carbon dioxide.

When Tesco checked the Co2 of its orange juice, it found a litre cost 1,040 grams. Even the environmentally friendly Adnams brewery in Suffolk cannot reduce the Co2 of its East Green bitter below 864 grams.

CLIMATE CHANGE (Co2 per litre)

Tap water …….. 0.2 grams
Bottled water ……… 198 grams
Smoothie ……… 686 grams
Beer ……… 864 grams
Orange juice ……… 1,040 grams

Oh my, could it be we’re seeing a pattern? It’s not clean, healthy bottled water, but alcohol, that is the real villian in this story! And OJ is the real killer, after all!

Keeping abreast of water marketing trends

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Spotted in Adelaide, South Australia, this Mount Franklin bottled water billboard is from a campaign supporting breast cancer awareness with a “limited edition” bottle. It sports the line, “Every mouthful helps raise awareness for breast cancer research.” Yes, isn’t cancer sexy! The creators of this campaign are clever but crass.

Thanks, flickr-er photog Janet Leadbeater.

BB#18: Walnut Grove Spring Water, or why we have ‘green fatigue’

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Change water into wine, and you won’t have to change this brand’s packaging. I’ll bet this vino look-alike carries a hefty premium price for this luxe look, right? But wait… according to the company’s website, the recent change to glass containers was a purely green and altruistic decision! It has nothing to do with marketing! They even quote Al Gore on their site before explaining,

walnut grove spring water is likely the LOWEST CARBON FOOTPRINT premium natural spring water available by:

  • Using ZERO import carbon or other natural resources due to our DOMESTIC location – walnut grove spring water is bottled at the source in the heart of the US, and travels less than 3,000 miles coast-to-coast. Importation of foreign water from Europe and other exotic destinations travel up to 7,000 miles just to reach US ports, using countless amounts of transportation energy and natural resources
  • Utilizing a supply-chain containing100% North American Suppliers & encompassing less than 3,000 miles for all inbound raw materials
  • Packaging our single-serve premium natural spring water exclusively in 100% recyclable/consumer reusable glass bottles made with 25% recycled glass.
  • Utilizing local staff, management, materials, services, and vendors whenever possible
  • Taking steps to further reduce or eliminate raw material use such as: cradle-to-grave cardboard shipping container reuse, utilize applied labeling (eliminating paper or plastic label stock), and recycle or reuse all possible raw materials

Travels less than 3000 miles? How completely idiotic is that ‘green’ claim, given that it’s generally not more than 30 steps to the nearest tap. We are weary of you, ridiculous green marketers. Tired, tired, tired. Pretty bottle, though, we’ll give you credit for that. Fab photo by Techfun on Flickr.

Bad Bottle #18: Crayola Kocktails for Kids

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Crayon flavored water, hmmmm. It appeals to something buried deep in my subconcious, the memory of gnawing on the colorful wax sticks and putting them into my mouth, despite being expressly forbidden by my mother to do so. Yes, in my mind I can imagine the taste of burnt sienna right at the moment…

Bonus fascinating crayon fact: The Crayola color “flesh” was voluntarily changed to “peach” in 1962 in the wake of the civil rights movement. Good thing, or I’d be tempted to make some lame cannibal jokes here.

Photo by robotech master 2000 on Flickr.

Bad Bottle #17: Somewhere faraway there breathes the soul of a copywriter

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I don’t know where the site www.finewaters.com originates, but the enthusiastic writer/s certainly speak English as a second language. And how charming it is, their passion and enthusiam breaking the language barrier to reveal the essence of the sensual, passionate lifestyle-sell.

For Just Born Spring Drops (irresistable branding in name alone!), from the Chennai region of India, the product description reads:

Just Born Spring Drops is a great gift by Mother Nature. Crisp and clear it emerges at an altitude of 6,500 Sqft. cloud kissing peak of the Nilgiris Mountain.

The spring flows from the catchments area through the mountain layers naturally filtered and emerges in an unspoiled ecological protected environment, pure and intact where it is bottled at source at 10 C that maintains its purity and freshness.

To no one’s surprise, the company “have identified the benefit of this unique singular tasting crisp and clear water more suitable for babies and children. Ideal for the preparation of babies formula, cereals, juices, foods and soups.”

How do you spot ‘fake’ water?

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This item is from BBC news on Wednesday, 3 September 2008:
Fake sacred water ‘poses danger’

Muslims observing Ramadan have been urged to avoid bottled water which may contain high levels of poison arsenic. Sacred Zam Zam water originates from Saudi Arabia and cannot be exported from the country for commercial sale. Zam Zam is traditionally drunk by pilgrims for its healing properties and during the holy period of Ramadan. Environmental health officers in Luton have warned that bottles for sale that are labelled as Zam Zam water are of unknown origin and pose a risk. Joan Bailey, of Luton Borough Council, said: “In previous years this product has been on sale in Luton and anyone who has bought the product is being advised to throw it away. “As we can’t trace the origin of this water, it poses a great risk to anyone who consumes it.”

This batch, photographed in Malaysia, is by thefunks on Flickr.

Bad Bottle #16: After the Pastry Water Comes Diet Water

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So you splurged on that Pastry Water. Maybe even a case or two. Not to worry, get back in line with zero calorie Diet Water. Just like regular zero calorie water, but with an in-your-face label that announces your weakness to the world. From www.engrish.com