Tag Archive for: badbottle

UFO H2O: It Came From Outer Space?

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I’ve been looking at strange bottled waters for years so why have I never seen this one? Government cover-up, I’ll bet! Available right now on eBay is UFO H2O, which according the seller’s description was “bottled in 2004 by ‘The Alien H2O Company’ and sold at the Roswell, NM UFO Festival, site of the supposed 1947 alien UFO crash!” (Some connection to Dr. Who? Or Astronaut Water? You tell me!)

What’s better, we’re told that the bottle says “Preferred by Aliens thruout all galaxies.” Guess that proves there’s water on the moon, Mars and wherever else! Especially since the seller’s disclaimer states, “Sold as Novelty Souvenir and not for Human Consumption.”

Jump right on this one for $4.95 plus $2.95 shipping. Unless of course, this listing mysteriously disappears…

Keepsake Water for the Holidays

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Available now at Sams Club, Merry Christmas Keepsake Water in 3 festive designs. These feature hand-applied crystals! And according to the website, “makes a delightful decoration for the holiday season for home or office. A perfect keepsake for years to come.”  At $19.88 each, this water spills out at about 79 cents an ounce…a precious keepsake, indeed!

Angels they do thirst on high

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A testimony to the mysterious, spiritual nature of water.

BB#18: Walnut Grove Spring Water, or why we have ‘green fatigue’

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Change water into wine, and you won’t have to change this brand’s packaging. I’ll bet this vino look-alike carries a hefty premium price for this luxe look, right? But wait… according to the company’s website, the recent change to glass containers was a purely green and altruistic decision! It has nothing to do with marketing! They even quote Al Gore on their site before explaining,

walnut grove spring water is likely the LOWEST CARBON FOOTPRINT premium natural spring water available by:

  • Using ZERO import carbon or other natural resources due to our DOMESTIC location – walnut grove spring water is bottled at the source in the heart of the US, and travels less than 3,000 miles coast-to-coast. Importation of foreign water from Europe and other exotic destinations travel up to 7,000 miles just to reach US ports, using countless amounts of transportation energy and natural resources
  • Utilizing a supply-chain containing100% North American Suppliers & encompassing less than 3,000 miles for all inbound raw materials
  • Packaging our single-serve premium natural spring water exclusively in 100% recyclable/consumer reusable glass bottles made with 25% recycled glass.
  • Utilizing local staff, management, materials, services, and vendors whenever possible
  • Taking steps to further reduce or eliminate raw material use such as: cradle-to-grave cardboard shipping container reuse, utilize applied labeling (eliminating paper or plastic label stock), and recycle or reuse all possible raw materials

Travels less than 3000 miles? How completely idiotic is that ‘green’ claim, given that it’s generally not more than 30 steps to the nearest tap. We are weary of you, ridiculous green marketers. Tired, tired, tired. Pretty bottle, though, we’ll give you credit for that. Fab photo by Techfun on Flickr.

Bad Bottle #18: Crayola Kocktails for Kids

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Crayon flavored water, hmmmm. It appeals to something buried deep in my subconcious, the memory of gnawing on the colorful wax sticks and putting them into my mouth, despite being expressly forbidden by my mother to do so. Yes, in my mind I can imagine the taste of burnt sienna right at the moment…

Bonus fascinating crayon fact: The Crayola color “flesh” was voluntarily changed to “peach” in 1962 in the wake of the civil rights movement. Good thing, or I’d be tempted to make some lame cannibal jokes here.

Photo by robotech master 2000 on Flickr.

Bad Bottle #17: Somewhere faraway there breathes the soul of a copywriter

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I don’t know where the site www.finewaters.com originates, but the enthusiastic writer/s certainly speak English as a second language. And how charming it is, their passion and enthusiam breaking the language barrier to reveal the essence of the sensual, passionate lifestyle-sell.

For Just Born Spring Drops (irresistable branding in name alone!), from the Chennai region of India, the product description reads:

Just Born Spring Drops is a great gift by Mother Nature. Crisp and clear it emerges at an altitude of 6,500 Sqft. cloud kissing peak of the Nilgiris Mountain.

The spring flows from the catchments area through the mountain layers naturally filtered and emerges in an unspoiled ecological protected environment, pure and intact where it is bottled at source at 10 C that maintains its purity and freshness.

To no one’s surprise, the company “have identified the benefit of this unique singular tasting crisp and clear water more suitable for babies and children. Ideal for the preparation of babies formula, cereals, juices, foods and soups.”

Bad Bottle #16: After the Pastry Water Comes Diet Water

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So you splurged on that Pastry Water. Maybe even a case or two. Not to worry, get back in line with zero calorie Diet Water. Just like regular zero calorie water, but with an in-your-face label that announces your weakness to the world. From www.engrish.com

Bad Bottle #12-15: You are what you drink

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You can just cut the complaining right now about your weight, and stop asking if you look fat. Because I saw you swigging down that Strawberry Shortcake Pastry Water when you could have chosen the more sensible Skinny Water.

Bad Bottle #11: A Transparent Marketing Ploy

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When faced with a myriad of choices in bottled water, heaven knows we want the one that’s safe. Seen in India by Flickr-er Chinita Jill, who reports that SAFE is the brand that sustained them during a desert safari in Jaisalmer.

Bad bottle #10: Explosive design concept

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I’m not sure I’d find this particular bottle of Unicef water refreshing. The label shows photos of unexploded ordnance that might be found in south Lebanon, including land mines and cluster bombs. The Arabic translates “Don’t Approach, Don’t Touch, Inform.” From The Saff-ster on Flickr.