I’m the writer. Or…

While chatting with someone today, I quipped that I would like my business card to carry the title “Content Sniper.” And I would, really. Which led me to imagine, what are some other titles that might more accurately reflect the skills and mysterious chem that is, actually, about 75% of the package that makes a good “writer.”
How about…
Content Engineer (Engineer! That might win more respect around The Company.)
Differentiator (A handful of astute people have honed in on this one.)
Message Designer (alternatively, Content Designer,)
Textual Expression Specialist (for my Graphic Artist buds who always call copy “text.”)
Factotum (I actually used this one for awhile when I was a freelancer–latin, meaning, an employee or official having many different responsibilities. Still dead-on.)
Comprehensibility Control Specialist (would work well in my current situation)
UnTechnical Writer
Information Weaver (I get this, no one else would)
Randomizer (actually, not random at all though it looks that way to others)
Page Filler (for those who think it’s that easy)
Lorem Ipsum (same as the preceding)
Language Stylist (sounds neat, but too narrow)
Hostess, Market Party (inside joke–enemy of the infamous “party bore.”)
Brand Stamper (I like the rhythm of that one)
Branding Iron (hysterical!)
Last Brand Standing (not a good title, but a good name for a small copy biz)
WhatthefuckamIdoinghere (too direct, perhaps)