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the ballad of betty poop by steve anderson

h2o mp3: The Ballad of Betty Poop

the ballad of betty poop by steve andersonJust when you thought Steve Anderson couldn’t top Dope in the Water and Fats Oils & Grease, along comes his newest awesome, original creation, The Ballad of Betty Poop, and we’re obviously thrilled to premiere it here!

Steve is a Water Resources Analyst at Clean Water Services in Portland, Oregon and has been known to whip out the guitar and play this educational number for visiting groups of schoolchildren. Not only do they get a great giggle out of it, but they learn something, too. Of course they do! Anyone who’s visited Thirsty in Suburbia for more than 5 seconds knows we’re BIG believers in the power of humor to engage and educate

Steve Anderson

So if you’d like to help kids (or adults) better understand water quality and how our wastewater systems work, spare them the earnest preachiness and Powerpoints. Instead play them this hysterical song following Betty Poop, Tom TP and G.I. Joe as they journey through the far-reaches of the wastewater system. You’ll make a much bigger impact, trust me!

Play the track

Lyrics: The Ballad of Betty Poop

Betty was a poop
Betty Poop was her name
Life in a bowl was kind of a drag
But Betty didn’t like to complain

TP Tom was toilet paper
He was Betty’s best friend
He wondered about the world outside
Where the sewer pipes came to an end

And then there was this G.I. Joe
He was just a plastic toy
He didn’t really belong in there
He was dropped there by a careless boy

Betty, Tom, and G.I. Joe
All shared the same improbable dream
To be outside and floating free
Upon a shimmering stream

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant

There came a time when they had their chance
As a hand reached down to flush
The three of them started swirling around
They were headed down in a rush

But suddenly the water slowed down
It looked like they were out of luck
G.I. Joe was in a jam
He couldn’t move because he was stuck

Betty and Tom had made it out
They looked around for G.I. Joe
And then a plunger saved the day
Once again the water flowed

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make it all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant

The three of them, they had it rough
As they traveled down the sewer pipe
But they kept going, they wouldn’t give up
“Cuz you know they’re just not that type

When they made it to the treatment plant
They saw a bar screen – then they knew
Betty and Tom would pass on by
But Joe would never make it through

Now Joe was gone, and the water was calm
But the situation still was dire
TP Tom was sinking fast
To the bottom of a clarifier

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make it all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant

Betty made it to the aeration basin
So much smaller than she was before
Been through so much, but she didn’t know
There was still so much more in store

Air bubbles battered poor Betty
Until she melted right into the soup
That was the food for a billion bugs
Then there was no more Betty Poop

Now Betty and Tom aren’t totally gone
They have just settled down
They became part of the biomass
I guess they’re biosolid now

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make it all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant

Give it up, you toilet treasures!
It won’t happen ‘cuz it can’t
You’ll never make it all the way to the river
Won’t make it past the treatment plant
Won’t make it past the treatment plant
No, won’t make it past the treatment plant

Those Crazy Canadians! Water Gags for April Fools Day Inspiration

Surely these goofball clips will give you an idea or two on ways to celebrate both water and our favorite special day! Canadian JustForLaughsTV uses the good old hidden camera schtick to pull off a variety of funny water-themed gags. And I literally mean gags. (Want more Four-One ideas? Check out these watery April Fools ideas posted previously, here and here!)

water illustration by chad hagen

On Paper, City Water Looks Lovely

re:vision magazine waterA wonderful take on urban water from graphic artist Chad Hagen, created for issue #1 of online magazine Re:Vision. (See the accompanying article citing forward-thinking water management in several U.S. cities.)

For reasons I can’t quite explain, this is visually mesmerizing to me…perhaps it’s the motion, the flow, the movement? Or, because like water, it is both simple and complex, depending on how you look at it?

water illustration by chad hagen

The Speedo Symphony

It’s a rare occasion when something can make me fall over laughing at the weekend’s dead end, but this did! (The first 20 seconds are must-see TV!) Goofy as this seems, 74-year old Hermeto Pascoal is a well-known and respected Brazilian composer and multi-instrumentalist. Nature is a recurring theme in his body of works, as in Música da Lagoa in which that water burbling you did as a kid in the tub becomes seriously arty musicial expression. Too bad they didn’t cover “Tiny Bubbles!”

Can your iPad do all THIS? I don’t think so!

Note the importance of “this side facing up” lest you accidentally energize the table!

For all the innovative “pads” already devised, be they iPads, bachelor pads, mouse pads, maxipads, whatever…they all pale in comparison to this, the “Drinking Water Energizer Pad.” In the words of its enthusiastic marketer, Dr. K. Kannan (WOW, a Doctor!) on international marketplace www.alibaba.com

After years of Research we have created this sensational Energizer Pad, which we are sure will be the ultimate penacea for many human sufferings.

How, you ask, does this miraculous item work? It’s all based on sciencey-sounding principles:

Universal Energizer Pad is created, based on Indian Vedic Principles and is totally Non Invasive and harmless. It is charged with more than 1 million Angstrom units (Bovis Units) of Positive Energy permanently using the treasure of Vedic Principles.

You want a guarantee? Well, how’s THIS for a guarantee?

THE LIFE OF THIS ENERGIZER PAD IS LIFETIME.

WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!! I know you’re already excited, but consider it’s usable not only for water, but for just about anything that can be placed on top of it, rendering a plethora of items (even your mobile phone!) supercharged in a matter of minutes!

WHEN THE ITEM TO BE ENERGIZED IS KEPT OVER UNIVERSAL ENERGIZER PAD: IT

  • Positively Energizes drinking water many times, within 30 minutes.
  • Energized water whwn consumed helps to remove Toxins from body and helps to increase immunity.
  • Energized water when taken, activates all 7 Chakras of the body within minutes!
  • Energized water facilitates a sound sleep in the night.
  • Retains freshness of fruits, vegetables, milk, curd etc., and increases their energy levels.
  • Eliminates toxins considerably from Toxic eatables and drinks.
  • Positively charges any eatable items, including Medicines.
  • Highly energizes food we eat , with the plate on the Pad.
  • Harmonizes Mobile Phone Radiation for 24 hours when kept over night on the Pad.
  • Highly vitalizes Hair oils, Soaps, Shampoos, Body creams etc.,
  • Works as a good pain reliever when kept over or under the paining areas.

And best of all…this product will literally get you off your a** and moving. “Relieves stress considerably when used as a seat under the Chair cushion and helps to increase productivity considerably. Does enormous good to IT Professionals who are highly stressed lot.”

So don’t you feel silly now with your hopelessly old-fashioned Red Bull and ergonomic chair?

Oatmeal on Public Toilets

How’s this for a misleading headline? It’s hard to compose your own funny blog stuff when you’re so busy reading the funny blog stuff of others, like offbeat rising-star web comic “The Oatmeal,” which has graciously helped feed our productivity black-hole with a rant and suggestion for one public toilet annoyance, paper seat protectors.

See the rest, after the jump… Read more

this is my dam halloween costume hoover dam sweatshirt

2010 Edition: Halloween Costumes for the Water-Obsessed

For 2010, we’ve gone DIY! All these water-themed Halloween costumes are homemade. This year, use your skills, creativity and ingenuity to fashion a killer look and unforgetable water statement!

this is my dam halloween costume hoover dam sweatshirtTHIS IS MY DAM COSTUME THIS YEAR: Thirsty in Suburbia exclusive! I made this for myself on Cafepress…perfect thing for recession trick or treating around your local Hooverville. (While I was at it, I made a shop so you can get one, too! Yes, I know, it’s expensive…but who can put a price tag on this level of awesomeness? Check out the mug, too! http://www.cafepress.com/thirstyinsuburbia).

pollution mermaid halloween costumeTOUGH YEAR FOR MERMAIDS: This costume won the 2008 Etsy Costume Contest in the Green catagory. Your 2010 interpretation could be even more timely with sad-funny BP references. Find a thrift shop prom dress and get busy! Great way to recycle that old motor oil. Source Link

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