Bottled Water, Purity Personified

We shudder to imagine it… the leering, aggressive, dirty Earth forcing itself on the pure, untouched virgin raindrop, gently shimmering within its billowing white-clouded gown! We shall not allow it! Instead, we shall catch you, beautiful young raindrop, and safely bottle you, still pure, into a virgin container… for our customer to revel in your purity and gently drink with sensitivity and deep passion. Fear not, raindrop, they sincerely love our brand and pledge their commitment! And we’re pretty sure a lot of them might recycle.

From, “Oregon Rain Water is known as “Virgin Water” because it has never been touched by the earth. It is pure rainwater, harvested from Oregon Skies on sterile sheets and then filtered and pasteurized to ensure uniform quality and purity.”

I suggest everyone check in with the Oregon schoolchildren after their water cycle science unit, and they’ll break the bad news on virgin water. Not only has the lovely raindrop been touched by the earth, but likely earth-mauled several million times by now. In fact, this water is downright tarty.

This photo is by Flickr user jugbo, thanks!