Shocking Water Revelations via Google Auto-Suggest

I’m not sure if Google’s auto-suggest feature is miraculous, intuitive, creepy, or all three! How’s it work? From Google Support we get this uncomfortably vague explanation:

As you type, Google Suggest communicates with Google and comes back with the suggestions we show. If you’re signed in to your Google Account and have Web History enabled, suggestions are drawn from searches you’ve done, searches done by users all over the world, sites in our search index, and ads in our advertising network.

Even if we don’t understand how the miraculous/intuitive/creepy process works, we can still have a rousing snickerfest just seeing what it will come up with.

For example, we all want water, but has anyone ever been thoughtful enough to ask water what IT wants? And how do we know if it desires a tropical storm or a fruity rum drink?)

Educators, see below: no wonder our young people are so ignorant of water matters. They’re not being properly taught with thirst analysis methods!

While the smell of water may vary, it apparently smells universally BAD.

Water, the gold-standard of vomit chasers?

And despite the frenetic World Water Week info blitz, not a WORD about bears! And what about the turtles and whales, huh? What about THEM!?

Ugh, too much of a good thing! If you’ll pardon me, I’m not feeling quite myself.

Water Quality Research for (and by) Dummies

Taste: recent research conducted both in the U.S. and Europe has repeatedly shown that taste (along with safety and convenience) is a leading motivator for the use of tap water alternatives. But tastes like what, exactly? To find out, we’ve done some exclusive research of our own.

Because Thirsty in Suburbia has zero qualifications or credentials to conduct sound, serious research, this “study” is absolutely non-scientific. Plus, since our stimulus check bounced we’re unfunded too!

Never mind, we will press on. Presenting the Google-based Virtual Water Taste Focus Group.

Methodology: In February, 2009 the exact phrase “our water tastes like” was entered into Google Search. 35 total results were returned and 6 were disqualified for syntax, leaving 29 “participants.” (♪ ♫ Don’t know much about science books ♫, but do know our way around Illustrator–so we’ve made a snazzy chart for you!)

1. our water tastes like chlorine
2. Our water tastes like pure and delicious water
3. our water tastes like dirt.
4. Our water tastes like water
5. Our water tastes like the premier bottled drinking water it is
6. our water tastes like shiat
7. our water tastes like dirt
8. our water tastes like tap water
9. our water tastes like dirt
10. Our water tastes like sulphur
11. our water tastes like lake water
12. our water tastes like crap
13. our water tastes like nectar from the tap
14. Our water tastes like the chlorine from a swimming pool.
15. our water tastes like bleach
16. our water tastes like algae
17. our water tastes like chlorine
18. our water tastes like horse s**t
19. our water tastes like it was strained through an ashtray
20. our water tastes like chemicals from new pipes
22. our water tastes like someone dissolved a nickel in it
23. Our water tastes like butt
24. Our water tastes like disinfectant
25. our water tastes like carrots
26. our water tastes like a swimming pool
27. our water tastes like something George Washington himself might take a sip of and die from
28. our water tastes like liquid gold
29. our water tastes like golden nectar