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Designer Water is SO Last Year

In 2008 and 2009, Evian partnered with influential international fashion designers Christian Lacroix (2008) and Jean Paul Gaultier (2009) to create limited edition “Prêt-à-Porter” water bottles. (For you non-fashionista types, “Prêt-à-Porter” refers to the mass market version, not the highest-qualtiy, rich-person couture stuff.) Both the Gaultier Version and the Lacroix Bottle are available right now at shopevian.com for $13.95 each.

But fashion is a fickle business, no? That’s why smart shoppers like myself have recently spotted the la-dee-dah bottles at Big Lots and Homegoods (both of which are closeout/discount retailers.)

I’ll be honest: with the talents of two of the world’s most acclaimed designers behind them, these bottles are certainly beautiful. (Gaultier’s frosted ice design is particularly awesome.) I’m going to delight in my 89% discount on designer goods and refill and reuse the sturdy glass bottles over the holidays, paired with some festive bottle stoppers.

But…how shall I maintain my all-tap, all-the-time boycott against bottled water? I’ll be serving these bottles’ original contents to Dixie, the family Labrador. Chacun ses goûts!

Retro Water Advertising Film Fest Part 2

Part Two: And now, a word from our water sponsors from decades past! We’ve been interrupted by advertising for drinking water for at least a half a century. Following, more of of “the way we were.”

Brita Filter Ad from 1989 using the then-relevant “Funny British Guy” marketing tactic.

1986 Soviet dance party featuring Michael Jackson’s “Killer” and Varska Mineral Water.

Combine the 1986 coolness of Flashdance and Pumping Iron, then add Evian water.

“Nothing else will do” but Perrier in this jazzy, stylish-in-’87 animated spot.

Hey, Culligan Man, It’s 1984 and “the future is calling for you!” Little did we know!

Evian, The New Fountain of Youth

Tough times in the bottled water business call for tough tactics–like selling the age-old quest for eternal youth. Evian’s new ad campaign tells us to “live young (TM)!” Who knew that the mythical Fountain of Youth, that legendary spring that restores youth to those who drink from it, was right there on my grocer’s shelf all along! I thought Evian water was expensive, but compared to botox, plastic surgery or Satan-soul-selling, it’s a live-young (TM) bargain!

This new fountain of youth reveals itself in the form of jaunty hip-hoppin’ roller-skating babies. I still refuse to buy the stuff but let’s be honest, these wee-ones on wheels are irresistably, adorably funny.

 

Where’s the breathless press release, you ask? Why, it’s here, informing us that stunt-skating tots are “the ultimate expression of Evian brand values, including origin, health and youth.”

And it gets better!

“To Evian, youth is not a matter of age, but a mindset – a youthful mindset that is optimistic, believes that everything is possible, and is curious and eager to discover the world – much like that of a child,” stated Jerome Goure, vice president of marketing for Danone Waters of America, the exclusive importer and marketer of Evian in North America.  “The babies in this campaign exemplify this attitude and the celebration of adding life to your years.”

Sneaky Recycling at the Mini-Bar

We usually feel it’s a crime to fail to recycle plastic bottles, but not always, as in this funny-but-not-funny case of felonious recycling and abuse of “fresh sink water” spotted by our pal  “Eagle-eye Jim”:

Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way to Avoid Minibar Charges

from hotelchatter.com…(readers were asked) to tell him about their fave minibar beverage experience. Sandwiched between the “minibars are stupid and expensive” and “minibars are lousy places for wine” comments, we noticed someone has responded with this:

Im ashamed but its too dam [sic] funny that i woke up in a drunk daze after a wedding and drank this whole Evian in the room then looked in the morning at the paper attached to the neck saying if bottle consumed, room will be charged 7.50 so i filled that shit up with some fresh sink water and used a lighter to seal that cap back on haha..

Here, we bottled water boycotters can have a good hearty laugh, while the bottled water holdouts can feel slightly uneasy. Whatever your opinion on tap water, I bet this might convince you to consider the merits of “fresh sink water!”

Photo: No, it’s NOT the actual bottle portrayed in the story, but one from mrjojo on Flickr. There is no evidence that this incident took place (or didn’t take place!) at Marriott.