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its so dry drought flag of california

Drought Jokes: “It’s So Dry…” California Edition!

its so dry drought flag of californiaCalifornia is facing its worst water shortage in decades. This is somewhat funny, both “curious-funny” and “ha-ha funny” because the state’s severest drought in modern history gives us an excuse to unleash some lame Cali-focused “It’s so dry…” jokes.

California’s so dry…that leaks are the new status symbol.

California’s so dry…the fastest growing crime is employee theft… by pool boys.

California’s so dry…a sprinkler store opened on Rodeo Drive (and have you seen those Prada canteens?!) Read more

h2o mp3: Drought – Dave Dudley

Dave Dudley rural route 1 droughtIn a classic country song there’s rarely just one misfortune; the bad luck and the soul crushers just keep piling on, like some kind of perverted torture sandwich. In the song Drought just when our hero is thinkin’ it can’t get any worse, what with his good woman takin’ off, next comes a crop killin’ drought ready to destroy his already tough hardscrapple farming existence. And what man can fix that?

The late Dave Dudley (1928-2003) was pumping out the country from the sixties through the eighties and in that hard-working Nashville way recorded more than 70 albums during his career. (Drought is from his fifth album Rural Route 1, released in 1965.) You may remember Dudley as the musical muse for truckers. His biggest hit, Six Days on the Road, was the song that started that whole big-rig trucker music craze in the 1960s.

So have a listen and if you want ol’ Dave’s recommendation for dealing with drought: “Pray with the coming of each dawn that this crop killing drought will be gone.”

Play and download the track

Drought – Dave Dudley

Lyrics

You can dam out the water and shut the wind out
But a man ain’t been born who can destroy a drought

There’s a hot screaming wind at my door
but I just don’t care anymore
There’s a crop killing drought on the way
and my good woman she left me today

Oh she stayed just as long as she could
but then the farm has not treated us good
She begged me to pack up and go
but then farming is all that I know

You can dam out the water and shut the wind out
But a man ain’t been born who can destroy a drought

She cried as if I were to blame
but the Lord knows I can’t make it rain
There’s a hot screaming sun up in the sky
it’s so still I can hear the grass die
So I’ll wait for the coolness of dark
and bear up to this pain in my heart
And I’ll pray with the coming of each dawn
that this crop killing drought will be gone

You can dam out the water and shut the wind out
But a man ain’t been born who can destroy a drought

Drought Mneumonic Monument

In the unlikey event that local citizens forget, a public sculpture was erected in Taebaek, Kangwon-Do, South Korea, as a reminder of the hardship and pain of drought and water shortages and the continuing need to conserve. From BaboMike on Flickr is this photo of the Taebaek Water Monument, which was

“…erected earlier this year as a reminder of last winters drought. We were on strict water rationing for a few months, allowed only 1 or 2 hours of water per day. The monument is created out of old plastic water bottles.”

Water Monument, Taebaek, Kangwon-Do, South Korea

Detail: Water Monument, Taebaek, Kangwon-Do, South Korea

Best of 2009: Water and Drought Jokes: How Dry is It?

We’re taking it easy the last week of 2009 with reposts of some of our 2009 faves!

In case you missed it: In the thick of a blistering 2009 summer, we were inundated with news from far and wide of deep, devastating drought… so of course, that caused us to inquire, “Just HOW DRY is it?”

—REPOSTED, Original Link Here

Drought Turning Texas Dry as Toast: Yesterday I saw this headline on MSNBC (via WaterSISWeb) so that’s my cue to dig up my collection of “It’s so dry…” jokes.

So dry the birds are building their nests out of barbed wire.
So dry the Baptists are sprinkling and Methodists are spitting
It’s so dry that the Catholics are giving rain checks.
So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.
So dry the trees are bribing the dogs. (variation: It’s so dry that the trees are whistlin’ for the dogs.)
Its so dry here that the fire hydrants are chasing the dogs around.
So dry my duck don’t know how to swim.
It’s been dry so long we only got a quarter inch of rain during Noah’s Flood.
So dry I’m spitting cotton.
Dry as a powder house.
Dry as the heart of a haystack.
Dryer than a popcorn fart.
It’s so dry that the cows are giving evaporated milk. (variation: So dry the cows are giving powdered milk.)
It’s so dry the fish are knocking on the door, askin’ for a drink of water.
It’s so dry here the all the fish have ticks.
It’s so dry the Red Cross has launched a wet blanket appeal.
It’s so dry you’re only permitted to eat watermelon between 8pm and 8am.
It’s so dry the government has announced a water pistol buy back scheme.
It’s so dry, crooks are siphoning off radiators instead of gas tanks.
It’s so dry, they’re encouraging people to pee in the pool.
It’s so dry, all the Baptists are converting to Catholic.
It’s so dry, the the dogs are marking their territory with chalk lines.
It’s so dry they’ve had to close two lanes at the swimming pool.
It’s so dry the river only runs twice a week.

All new, original! A few more I thought of while writing this post:

So dry we’re fishin’ on lawn chairs with slingshots.
It’s so dry we went rafting on hand trucks.
So dry the water tower was held up at gunpoint.

Sources: collected from all over, including here, here, here, here, here and here!

h2o mp3: The Drought Song – Carlos Guitarlos

Hard living has taken its toll on Carlos Guitarlos. In the 80s he was lead guitarist and songwriter for the cult-fave Los Angeles group Top Jimmy and the Rhythm Pigs (immortalized by the Van Halen song) and also recorded with Tom Waits and the Breeders. He spent most of the 1990’s just gettin’ by as a San Francisco street musician.

The 2003 album Straight from the Heart marked his personal and career comeback, and he’s reportedly now at work on a new acoustic collection. The bluesy-jazzy Drought Song reveals a raspy, ravaged voice and tepid backup, but it’s honest, sincere and enjoyable just the same.


Lyrics

This is a drought year now
Or so they say
You’ve got to use less water, everyday
Commissioner says he’s trying
You and I know he’s lying
Now it’s near

They say they can seed the clouds, and more in time
If you ask mother-nature, that’s a crime
And if we delay an hour, yes we will feel the power
Don’t you care?

Look at my garden, see how lush she grow
What’s my secret… wouldn’t you like to know?
Well, I’ve just been crying for hours
So we won’t lose the flowers
Don’t you cry

Play the track

[audio:http://thirstyinsuburbia.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/12-the-drought-song.mp3]

Download The Drought Song – Carlos Guitarlos
Low-fi 64 kbps mp3 file for sampling.
Like it? Support the people who make music. Buy this track at iTunes or Amazon.com

Water and Drought Jokes: How Dry is It?

Drought Turning Texas Dry as Toast: Yesterday I saw this headline on MSNBC (via WaterSISWeb) so that’s my cue to dig up my collection of “It’s so dry…” jokes.

So dry the birds are building their nests out of barbed wire.
So dry the Baptists are sprinkling and Methodists are spitting
It’s so dry that the Catholics are giving rain checks.
So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.
So dry the trees are bribing the dogs. (variation: It’s so dry that the trees are whistlin’ for the dogs.)
Its so dry here that the fire hydrants are chasing the dogs around.
So dry my duck don’t know how to swim.
It’s been dry so long we only got a quarter inch of rain during Noah’s Flood.
So dry I’m spitting cotton.
Dry as a powder house.
Dry as the heart of a haystack.
Dryer than a popcorn fart.
It’s so dry that the cows are giving evaporated milk. (variation: So dry the cows are giving powdered milk.)
It’s so dry the fish are knocking on the door, askin’ for a drink of water.
It’s so dry here the all the fish have ticks.
It’s so dry the Red Cross has launched a wet blanket appeal.
It’s so dry you’re only permitted to eat watermelon between 8pm and 8am.
It’s so dry the government has announced a water pistol buy back scheme.
It’s so dry, crooks are siphoning off radiators instead of gas tanks.
It’s so dry, they’re encouraging people to pee in the pool.
It’s so dry, all the Baptists are converting to Catholic.
It’s so dry, the the dogs are marking their territory with chalk lines.
It’s so dry they’ve had to close two lanes at the swimming pool.
It’s so dry the river only runs twice a week.

All new, original! A few more I thought of while writing this post:

So dry we’re fishin’ on lawn chairs with slingshots.
It’s so dry we went rafting on hand trucks.
So dry the water tower was held up at gunpoint.

Sources: collected from all over, including here, here, here, herehere and here!

California’s Big Squirt: Fertile Farmlands and Tourist Meccas!

An out-of-the-box engineering idea from the October, 1951 issue of Modern Mechanix, via blog.modernmechanix.com,

CALIFORNIA’S BIG SQUIRT

THE parched deserts of Southern California need water to transform their barren soil into fertile farmlands and tourist Meccas such as those existing elsewhere in the state. So far the problem has remained unsolved. But Sidney Cornell, a Los Angeles construction engineer, thinks he has a solution. He wants to construct a series of geyser-like power plants one mile apart to shoot water from the mouth of one into the funnel of the next, as depicted here by MI artist Frank Tinsley. The water would arc over hilly sections, have a flat trajectory over plains. Its velocity would approach 400 mph. These stations— 400 in all—would cost about $300,000 each.

I can’t imagine what I can add to that, except to say that Sidney Cornell has certainly never used a garden hose in the wind!

Snitch on that Water Hog the Easy Way

Watching your jerk-twerp neighbor thumb his nose at drought-driven water restrictions? Fuming as his sprinklers soak a perfect green lawn, under the cover of night, while washing his giant SUV on an ODD day?! And smirking at you while he does it? You’re MAD AS HELL, and you’re not going to take it any more!

If you live in Athens-Clarke County, Georgia, exacting revenge is just a few clicks away. Just download the County’s ready-to-go Sworn Witness Statement for Outdoor Water Use. It easy! It’s legal! It’s notary-ready with words like “sworn to and subscribed!”
UPDATE July 2009: This document is no longer available online, but I’ve archived a pdf copy here.

Fill it out, drop it by City Hall, and now it’s your turn to smirk while you watch his lawn go as brown as yours! Feel better? Good, but don’t start your own little micro water war. Make up, act neighborly and initiate some over-the-fence chatter about xeriscaping.

Someone’s getting fired for this.

A real good ol’ boy would impress his buddies by shooting beer cans off fence posts. Who couldn’t hit this target? From WYFF4.com, some idiot started the New Year with a bang.

Town’s Water Supply Drains From Bullet Holes; Water Tower Shot With High-Powered Rifle

MAIDEN, N.C. — January 1, 2008 — In the midst of an extreme drought, a North Carolina town has lost hundreds of thousands of gallons of water that leaked from bullet holes discovered in the town’s water tower.

Catawba County Sheriff’s Deputy Major Coy Reid said that the tower appears to have been shot three times with a high-powered rifle. Investigators think the shooting happened sometime Monday morning.

Residents told investigators that they had heard the gunshots, but because no one called deputies, the damage was not discovered until hours later.

City officials said that the tower can’t be fixed until most of the water is drained because the repairs will have to be done from inside the holding tank.

Fixing the damage is expected to cost between $15,000 and $20,000 — but that doesn’t include the value of the water lost during the Southeast’s worst drought in more than a century.

Thanks, Flickr-er dwhokins1970 for this shot before the shooting of the Maiden water tower.