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Those Crazy Canadians! Water Gags for April Fools Day Inspiration

Surely these goofball clips will give you an idea or two on ways to celebrate both water and our favorite special day! Canadian JustForLaughsTV uses the good old hidden camera schtick to pull off a variety of funny water-themed gags. And I literally mean gags. (Want more Four-One ideas? Check out these watery April Fools ideas posted previously, here and here!)

Water in a Bag: Crazy Convenient!

What’s more ridiculous that water in a disposable bottle? How about ultra-convenient “Water in a Bag?”

A hysterical parody on breathless infomercials and pointless products, the Water in a Bag comedy sketch (from the long-running Canadian show This Hour Has 22 Minutes) serves up such gems as:

“Just grab the appropriate size bag, snip the corner, and away you go!”

Are you tired of unpredictable kitchen faucets? Sick of  the never-ending battle with measuring cups? Wish there was an easier way to get the water you need?
The people who brought you Salad in a Bag… Steamed Vegetables in a Bag… and Slow Cooker Meals in a Bag… bring you the ultimate in food preparation convenience: Water in a Bag!

Embedding is disabled, so to view the entire clip on YouTube, go here.

(Somber, serious moment: Water in a Bag is indeed a real and un-funny product in some parts of the world.)

Thanks to Environmental Reporter Christopher Dunagan; I first saw this on his  excellent Watching Our Water Ways blog (from the Kitsap Sun, serving the Puget Sound, Washington state area.)

Bottled Water and Bacteria News: Consider the Source!

A big news flash today! Canadian researchers have discovered that many popular brands of bottled water contain “surprisingly high” levels of heterotrophic bacteria! The researchers presented their study results at the general meeting of the American Society of Microbiology in San Diego on May 26.

According to their research, more than 70 percent of the popular brands of bottled water tested failed to meet standards set forth by the United States Pharmacopeia, the non-governmental agency responsible for setting safety standards for medications and health care products. (Am I the only person wondering, “Who dat?“)

Bottled bacteria, that’s not funny! But this is! The source where I read about this shocking news was:

So all you bottled water drinkers, start documenting your crippling nausea and fatigue which has rendered you depressed, disabled and unable to work. You’re gonna be rich! Simply respond to the 800-number which will be appearing on late-night infomercials in short order.

Moral Mayhem at Vancouver’s Mini-Bars!

Besides the Coca Cola/Dasani concession, where’s the least-likely place we’d expect to find tap water promoted during the Vancouver Olympic frenzy? Hotel mini-bars, you say?

Photo via cbc.ca: A stainless steel refillable water bottle is featured prominently in mini-bars in Vancouver's Fairmont Pacific Rim hotel to help promote the city's tap water.

Photo via cbc.ca: A stainless steel refillable water bottle is featured prominently in mini-bars in Vancouver

Well, surprise! During the winter games, Vancouver’s Fairmont Pacific Rim offers something new in guests’ mini bars that’s almost as shocking as the prices – a (not complimentary) metal water bottle for unlimited, free tap refills. The hotel was one of the first to join Vancouver’s campaign to encourage Olympics visitors to use the city’s tap water.

The bottle’s $12.95 price tag surely means the predatory mini-bar sales model is still safe. Also, we assume that tiny paper-topped glasses are still available in guest bathrooms and bedrooms. From CBC News via hotelchatter.com,

“Bottled water is a major seller in our guest rooms through the mini-bars,” said hotel manager Randy Zupanski. “I was concerned about the fall-off of those sales … but it’s the right thing to do.”

Tap Water, Now Competing in Vancouver

Water utilities and municipalities are finally getting hip to the promotional opportunity that big events can present. From little local festivals to the Olympics, events are a perfect place for tap water proponents to strut their stuff. Vancouver is getting in the game despite overwhelming competition from heavily-favored Coca Cola/Dasani, who has paid handsomely for their Olympic sponsorship slot.

During the Olympic Games, The City of Metro Vancouver and the Province of Ontario set up a “water wagon” downtown to offer local tap water straight from the Seymour Reservoir.

Thanks to Sweet One on Flickr, who snapped this shot on his iPhone, we can have a peek! He and others, though, pointed out that while the water was clear the benefactor was not!

Apparently the Province of Ontario is serving Metro Vancouver tap water… to promote Ontario tap water? I’m confused.

Maybe it’s because we’re all so unaccustomed to cooperation when water is involved!

Anyhow, Metro Vancouver has been running a tap water campaign since 2008; one of the the stated goals was to reduce bottled water use 20% by 2010. (Wait, that’s NOW!) With a sluggish economy, all the cheapies and frugalistas gotta love the price–13 liters for just a penny.

Art Lovers: Urine for An Unusual Sight

Art you can use…if you dare! The most interesting thing about this 2005 installation is that it was a fully functional facility, “open to both sexes.” Thanks to Brian Banks for alerting us to American Standard by Vancouver, Canada artist Reece Terris. (Matchmaking opportunity! Reece, there may be a perfect-fit project waiting for you in Toronto!)

From the artist’s website www.reeceterris.com,

American Standard is an installation that featured fifteen functional urinals arranged in a pyramid formation on the wall of the men’s washroom in the Alexander Centre studio at Simon Fraser University.  Transforming the facility into a public indoor fountain, water overflowed from the uppermost urinal and splashed its way down through the formation creating a deluge of water flooding the sunken floor. Visitors enter the space via tiled stepping stones, providing access directly to the sink and preexisting toilet, leaving the facility fully functional and open to both sexes.

At the same page, don’t miss the embedded video which includes the installation in action; this does the work far better justice than these still photos.)

h2o mp3: The Water Remembers My Face – The Western States

Last summer, this indie country-folk band from Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada packed up a rented van and drove 2 days to Austin, Texas to record their sophomore album, Bye and Bye.  The album was recorded live to two-inch tape without the use of any digital technology or effects, giving this track a warm, pure and earthy “something’ that’s hard to put your finger on, but irresistible.

Lyrics
The river runs faster this time of the year
I never kept up with its pace
and now I sit by it and I think of what to do
cause the water remembers my face

Play the track

[audio:http://thirstyinsuburbia.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/05-the-water-remembers-my-face.mp3]

Download The Water Remembers My Face – The Western States
Low-fi 64 kbps mp3 file for sampling.

Like it? Support the people who make music. Buy this track at iTunes or Amazon.com
Visit The Western States on MySpace.

Bat Girl Arrested After Scaling Water Tower

Holy Bat-Stunt, this was a great day for the power-quad of water towers, middle-aged women, outlet shopping and Canada! From Rick Vanderline for barrieadvance.com in central Ontario, Canada, 

A woman dressed as Bat Girl climbed to the top of the water tower at the Cookstown Outlet Mall jut before noon Saturday and unfurled a banner in the name of Fathers for Justice.

Firefighters from Bradford West Gwillimbury used an aerial ladder truck to climb to an upper platform of the tower to bring the unidentified woman down. Before the ladder was raised a lone firefighter climbed up the tower’s metal and spoke with the woman for about 10 minutes.

A large banner the woman hung from the side of the tower, which overlooks Highway 400, proclaimed the cause of Fathers for Justice, a group that has criticized Ontario’s Family Court system as being unfair to divorced fathers. The banner read: Parental Alienation Awareness; Love is For Everyone. The 49-year-old Alliston woman  is now facing charges of mischief as a result of the stunt.

Over at thebarrieexaminer.com, they’ve got some some exciting first-person perspective on the story:

Paulette MacDonald scaled the tower, outside of the Cookstown Outlet Mall, before 5 a.m. Saturday, but went unnoticed until 11:30 a.m. The 49-year-old Alliston woman said she had to call to mall patrons below to get the attention of mall security.

 “When he looked up at me perched up in the tower his chin hit the ground,” MacDonald said, adding that police and firefighters arrived shortly afterwards. “It was the first time that I’d done something like that. I was very scared, but I was more scared for what would happen to the future of our children.”

The Parental Alienation Canada Blog helps us get a sense of scale with some photos of the scene of the “crime” along with a remarkably prompt same-day press release.

You Know You’ve “Made It” If You’re Glacier Bathing

And you’re 100% right, I do! (Should I be worried that I’m gaining a reputation for ridiculous water ideas?)

The tinyurl points to Trendhunter.com:

Forget about drinking bottled water—now you can bathe in it! Based on the 10 Thousand BC brand of fine imported water, Glacier Bath hails from the Coastal Glacier Range in British Columbia, Canada. It can be shipped in bulk to “health-conscious and environmentally-aware high-end urbane sophisticates.”

And if bathing in ancient glaciers is aimed at “high-end urbane sophisticates” there’s bound to be an insane press release somewhere, right? And here it is! You can suffer the entire release below, but following are my favorite pee-are highlights!

…Luxury Water Utilities, LLC, a California-based sustainable water resources service company…
When life hands you climate change, make glacier-ade!

…Glacier Bath™ system — an environmentally friendly hydration service…
I think they mean “friendly” in the Facebook sense.

…premium glacier water. Locked in an icy vault for over 10,000 years…
Hello, do you have Sir Glacier in a can? Well let him out!!!

Glacier water is superior to common water sources, because it is not filtered through the ground where a variety of dissolved solids and organic particles such as rocks, sand, metals, chemicals and underground pollutants can attach to each water molecule.
I’m trying to imagine a rock attached to a molecule.

…fine waters from rare water sources from around the world that are guaranteed 100% natural in composition
That is, guaranteed to be two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen.

Fine Water Imports Inc., headquartered in Las Vegas, Nevada,
I should have guessed! It’s the global center of water sustainability!

Following, the entire tortured text:

Glacier Bath– The Perfect Balance Between Luxury and Health!
MARINA DEL RAY, CA–(Marketwire – June 4, 2008) – Luxury Water Utilities, LLC, a California-based sustainable water resources service company, in association with Source Glacier Beverage Company, Ltd. and Fine Water Imports, Inc., announces the global launch of the exclusive Glacier Bath™ system — an environmentally friendly hydration service designed to integrate high-end luxury homes, residences and suites with premium glacier water. Locked in an icy vault for over 10,000 years, the sub-Arctic ranges in beautiful British Columbia, Canada, and carefully retrieved from the rapid descending flow of melted glacier ice, this pure protected under-melt is the most natural ancient source of water in the world.

Glacier Bath™ offers luxury connoisseurs the opportunity to control and choose their own water source for their primary hydration needs. We offer a rear water source that is free of contaminants, naturally oxygenated and rich in natural ionic content. Glacier water is superior to common water sources, because it is not filtered through the ground where a variety of dissolved solids and organic particles such as rocks, sand, metals, chemicals and underground pollutants can attach to each water molecule. It is essentially an exclusive worry-free water source — clear of heavy chemicals, drug residues, jet fuel, toxins, dust particulates, etc. — unlocked from glaciers that are over 10,000 years old. Not only will our clients be able to drink and bathe in this premium untainted water, they can also breathe indoor air that is hydrated or humidified with pollution-free water. The water is naturally soft at 1.08 grains of hardness — no water softer needed — and there is no sodium in the water, unlike desalinization which has high sodium contents.

This exclusive water service is for the sophisticated consumer that desires the constant benefits of natural spa living while balancing the demands of corporate and business engagements within metropolitan environments. “It is a privilege to be able to offer our luxury clients around the world, the ability to create an oasis of relaxation and calm in a stressful, toxic world within their very estates,” says Andrea Bates, Vice President of Source Glacier Beverage Company.

Glacier Water, based upon the exclusive 10 Thousand BC™ brand and exclusively marketed by Fine Water Imports, Inc., embodies the essence of a new generation of luxury and elegance. The light, smooth and crisp taste of this premium glacier water can be enjoyed everywhere in your home, penthouse or apartment without a bottle!

Glacier Bath™ represents the nexus between luxury, comfort and peace of mind. Introducing this luxury service as a high-end real-estate amenity offers a personal and private retreat — a 21st Century solution for the health and environmentally conscious. Glacier Bath™ will transport and deliver the purest all-natural water, harnessed from pristine sub-Arctic environments, and supply suites and residences on a subscription basis, at a competitively matchless cost.

Lincoln Wentworth Lawson, Chairman of Luxury Water Utilities, LLC., stated: “We are very pleased to be partnered with Fine Water Imports, Inc. and Source Glacier Beverage Company, Ltd for the past few months. Our team is dedicated and focused on satisfying the needs of our high-end clients interested in a healthy lifestyle, without compromising comfort.”

Mr. Steve Stucker, President of Fine Water Imports Inc., stated: “We firmly believe this is a world first offering of its kind and we see only long-term value for our stakeholders as the world-wide exclusive company to market this rare water resource by both Luxury Water Utilities and Source Glacier Beverage Company.”

Fine Water Imports Inc., headquartered in Las Vegas, Nevada, is one of the world’s largest importers of premium fine waters. Importing only naturally pure, healthy, fine waters from rare water sources from around the world that are guaranteed 100% natural in composition and sourced from locations far away from man-made chemicals and pollutants. These fine waters once discovered are carefully tested, harvested, bottled, and packaged in environmentally friendly, fully recyclable glass and plastic, directly from earth and meet or surpass all federal water safety guidelines. Fine Water Imports Inc. (www.finewaterimports.com) is the exclusive marketing agent for 10 Thousand BC™, bulk water sales, a product of Source Glacier Beverage Company, Ltd., of Canada.

Create, Destroy, Repeat: A Natural Process

How would it feel to spend months creating this, only to see it destroyed by the natural shifts of the seasons? To the artist John Ceprano, it would feel perfectly right that the works are created by man and dismantled by nature.

Every spring and summer since 1986, John Ceprano has created these stunning sculptures rising out of the river bed of the Ottawa River at Remic Rapids in Canada. The sculptures are constructed entirely by hand using heavily fossilized, color-laden rock that is unique to the region. Before the next spring arrives, the sculptures collapse and vanish in the harsh ice and storms of the cold Canadian winter.

And the next spring he begins again. What has motivated him to rebuild and re-create each year for more than two decades? In his own words,

…At that time, I began Transcendental Meditation providing a perception of balance in all things, natural and man made. It is also the guiding process for the rock sculptures: BALANCE, HARMONY AND PEACE. The TAO balances and harmonizes the space so that everything fits together naturally, as if being there forever. Meanwhile, the Buddhist principles allow the “letting go” each winter season when the sculptures are dismantled by the river and ice.

Nice Photos! Photo #1 From RougeEtNoireon Flickriver.com,, Photo #2 from Watawa Life, and Photo #3 from Ullysseson Flickr.